tonite

come have fun.

this tuesday at 8pm join us at galapagos for this month's installment of THE VARIETY SHAC (new show site up!).

as always:
shonali bhowmik, heather lawless, andrea rosen, chelsea peretti
&
a shac short film

plus:
bobby tisdale, amy sloanaker
&
justice of the unicorns

free.

OSCAR RECAP

There we all were, at Jonah and Andrea's...


Watching the Oscar's projected on the wall...


Here's the home audience with a little flash on 'em:



The intensity was crazy! Check out these frigging FANATICS!



"You can't play with my YO-YO!"


Halle, Beard, Hair.


"I didn't want to wear my glasses because I wanted my face to be out there but I also didn't want you to read the winner out, Dusty, because then that wouldn't make the moment about me. Whisper it in my ear as I worship myself on national television please darling."


"No! The show is about me and my versatility! I am in the process of branding myself as an icon! It's about me!"


More fog please. Kay. More....more....more.....and more....little more.....more...


The Swank wore a dress that compromised it's front for a fantastic back. Front looks like she made this dress herself and rigged it up.


My boyfriend and longtime lover was there...


JD, I want to tear those close off of you... No, really. I want to tear those clothes OFF OF YOU.


Winslet looked pretty and seemed genuine. I like her.


American Hero.


More of the dazzling home audience!


Prince. Shrek 2.


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I'd like to take a moment to congratulate all the people with foriegn accents who talked for 2-3 hours of the total airtime last night--PARTICULARLY THE ITALIANS!

Italians: I like how you say Harvey Weinstein. Congrats!
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If you didn't see Vera Drake and are now looking at this picture, you may check it off your to do list. This is the movie in a nutshell.

The Finisher Mr C on HOT 97

Lord does this man play all that I want to hear during the throwback at noon.

Update: Okay a bunch of it sucks, but a lot of it is THE BEST.

Snack you in the FACE!

I gotta say this was one of my best snack experiences to date.


Wasa cracker. Humus. Arugula. Kalamata olive tapenade. Fresh mozzerella. Lemon. Salt/pepper.

If you are a robot who doesn't like food, you're going to love what's coming to the blog soon...OSCAR PIX. Robots rejoice!

TOM CRUISE and OPRAH endorse Carbonara.

Here's a play-by-play of Tom's favorite recipe (via Tommy Lee, via some Italian "mama"). Garnish with gay men.

Lemon Cake Recipe

Andrea had a cat named Pico that liked to sneak and eat the tops off this lemon cake. When the cat was ill and dying, her and her mom baked the cakes for the cat, expressly so he could eat the caketops in his last days...

Pico Memorial Cake

finely grated rind of 2 lg. lemons
3 tblsp. lemon juice
3 cups sifted all purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 lb (1 cup) butter
3 cups sugar
5 eggs
1 cup buttermilk

pre heat oven 325
butter 10 x 4 inch tube pan. line the bottom w/ wax paper, butter the paper.
dust all over w/ fine bread crumbs (or flour) - I just butter it, I don't do this whole paper thing). Use teflon

mix lemon rind and juice and set aside
sift together flour, baking soda, salt, set aside

In a large bowl, use electric mixer to cream butter
gradually add sugar. beat 2-3 min
add eggs one at a time, beat after each addition
beat an additional 2-3 minutes after last egg has been added
on lowest speed alternately add the sifted dry ingrediants in 3 additions
and the buttermilk in 2 additions

remove from mixer and stir in lemon rind and juice
pour into prepared pan
bake 1 and 1/2 hr

GLAZE
1/4 plus 1 tblsp lemon juice
1 tblsp water
1/2 cup granulated sugar
confectioners sugar

mix first 3 ingrediants and let stand, stir occasionally, while cake is baking

when cake is done, remove it and let stand 5 minutes
brush glaze all over the hot cake. let it cool and dry
sprinkle w/ confectioners sugar through a fine strainer

NOTE: At our dinner party we served the cake with fresh berries and whipped cream--DIVINE.

Rest in peace Pico...

Carbonara! Carbonara! Carbonara! I LOVE YOU Carbonara!

Carbonara is one of my favorite pasta dishes. Be careful in judging it from one try, because most places make it wrong (adding cream and peas in an alfreddoey slop.)

For my bday brunch I went to get the best carbonara I've ever had in the city.



Unfortunately a while ago this place began using bacon (instead of the more flavorful pancetta they used to use) but fortunately, carbonara with bacon is still pretty damn good. That's how my mom used to make it and her version has been a longtime hit.

Anyhow me and my buddy Andrea had a dinner party a while back and made carbonara from a recipe she had (I usually do it on instinct) that turned out amazing.

Here is that recipe (7th step is her addition):

carbonara recipe
serves 4

1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
5 oz pancetta cut into 1/4" (dice)
2 eggs plus 2 egg yolks
1 lb spaghetti
1/2 c. freshly grated parm-reggiano
1/2 c. fresh grated pecorino romano


1. heat oil in skillet medium high heat add pancetta and fry til crisp and brown (5-6 min)
2. put eggs, egg yolks, and 1/2 c.water into sm. bowl, beat with fork, set aside
3. cook spaghetti in lage pot of boiling salt water, al dente (10-12 min)
4. drain in colander
5. mix eggs, pancetta (including all the grease), and 1/4 cup of each cheese, into the spaghetti.
6. serve with remaining 1/4 cup of each cheese sprinkled on top.
7. go to the gym

C A R B O N A R A

While we're on the topic of shoes...

What did I do, gun down several pairs of shoes in a past life? Strangulate another?

Here's my brand new shoe-stacker from the Container Store, love it, no complaints:


HOWEVER! If you look closely, you can just make out some white boots in this picture. Easy now! Can you see 'em?

Those bastards are so warm. I'm sure you either hate or love them, most people do, that's fine don't worry about that right now. Just think how warm they are.

The tag on them said some cute shit like "Can withstand a shower, but not a tsunami!" (which I'm sure seemed more clever prior to the world's most deadly tsunami). Showers seemed pretty good, I thought, so I bought them. But the truth is they can't withstand a loogie. They soak through in the heel. How pointless is a snow boot that isn't waterproof?

SHOE MANUFACTURERS:
Get on it!

MAGIC SUEDE SHOES!

It's entirely possible that I have a pair of MAGICAL SHOES in my possesion. If you are grappling with this concept, please trust me that I can hardly believe it myself.

Here's the deal GANG! Every time I wear my suede boots it rains or snows.

That's it!

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

TO ALL MY READERS WHO ARE FARMERS:
You know what this means. Talk to me. Fly me out and make it happen--rain, fertile grounds, any type of suede-damaging wetness you could ask for!* Just let me step out on your farmland in my suede boots. Fly me out and feed me farm fresh foods. That's it. I'll show up in my boots and change your crop season all around!


* WELL ALMOST ANY (dirty disgusting trucker laugh)

2 SONGS inexplicably in my head

1. Listen to your heeeeart before you tell him GOODBYEEEE.

2. I wanna dress you up in my love...in my love...all over your body....

Song on hot 97 right now: "Doin tha Butt"
Ain't nothin wrong...if you wanna do the butt all. night. long...

Update:
Song on hot 97 now:
If it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad, why does she stay on my mind?"

I'm back into friendster!!!

To all the people with asymmetrical haircuts who read my blog:

What is the story on that?

UPDATE:
Thanks to John K. for sharing his photo of a past hair choice!

Thank you, John!

SPRING LAKE REDUX!

EVER BEEN TO SPRING LAKE, NJ? WELL, THANKS TO FODORS--ME AND MY MOTHER NOW HAVE. HERE IS THE RECAP.


TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE SPRING LAKE!



Just me and my huge attitude problem, out in nature.




GEESE, SPRING LAKE STYLE!

Geese drop huge dueces. Two! And again a two!


Do you really need more size comparisons?



SPRING LAKE SHOPPING FRENZY

I bought one of these precious souvenirs for each of my several girlfriends back in the big city!



SPRING LAKE: MORAL QUESTIONS...

The bottle shop had muy classy signage!


It's okay to be a "regular" here!

Right...?


SL MOODS YOU WOULDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND.


"I miss my exbf."

Now what mood is this...?


I don't know, but it looks like fanclub material! Haha. Jkjk.


(FANCLUB! Don't you go getting any ideas!! Ahahahaha! I KNOW you guys! Tsk, tsk, TSK! DON'T DO IT! Haha, you GUYS! DON'T!)




(YOU. GUYS! I SAID DON'T HAHAhaha. Well, I thank you...)


MAFIA ACTIVITY in SPRING LAKE


"I need a hit put out on Ronny Murdock ."


"Yeah, kill him dead. And I want it done yesterday, capiche?"


Heya officer, howsit goin?


CLOSING GUILT TRIP

Nothing lasts forever, have you called your mom lately?

Annual Birthday Letter to Myself

Each and every year, I work for months composing a birthday letter to myself, writing / editing / re-writing and then transferring to a beautiful card. Often I work well into the wee hours. When it's done, I read it and cry, heartily inspired.


Chelsea, my girl. I am so proud of you. You have accomplished so much this year! You bought the Garden State soundtrack at Barnes and Noble. You started a pun blog. You watched your mother learn how to knit right before your eyes. You read the Hobbit, bought an electric toothbrush--and so much more!

I cannot wait to continue to watch you grow.

Ever since you were a baby you've been learning things. Remember when you didn't used to know a stove was hot or that cleaning products were poison to eat? Your progress is INEVITABLE.

Imagine if you live 50 or more years how many other things you will learn like maybe how to organize photos with Flicker or some spicy dish you might cook. And on and on!

A big thanks to me for this one. I was encouraged, and touched...

I miss my mom.

Well, my mom popped into NY for a quick visit and now is gone!

We even went on an overnight trip to Spring Lake NJ:


Q: While we were on the train...what do you think she was doing?

A: She was filing her nails.

She maintained that public filing wasn't gross, yet clearly knew there was something amiss with the activity .

I ask you, why else would she have hid her busy hands from the camera's eye?


Oh, you can try to pretend it away mama...


But you can't hide it forever--no matter how crafty you are!


Cause you want those nails filed, doncha?

Reader!! You see the file!!!!?


!

This one's for you, Joe ;)

Saffron

VERIZON GOES SAFFRON!