P.S. btw, that is one of my favorite icons ever (2nd place ribbon).
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Mark Your Calandariosss
The next Variety Shac will soon be upon us. Are you prepared?
It's this coming Tuesday!
Tuesday October 4th @ 8:30 sharp. The short film is about a Bake Sale.
As research for this short film I ate 9,000 cupcakes.
Here's an interview Shonali just did about her band Tigers & Monkeys (as well as the Shac): Shonali on Gothamist.
Here's my old Gothamist interview: Chelsea's Gothamist interview.
Here's the recordbreaking fish Andrea caught: Andrea's Huge Fish.
Here's Heather on the official Comedy Central Website: Heather on CC.
70 N 6th St (L train to Bedford). With Eugene Mirman and Dan Forbes.
It's this coming Tuesday!
Tuesday October 4th @ 8:30 sharp. The short film is about a Bake Sale.
As research for this short film I ate 9,000 cupcakes.
Here's an interview Shonali just did about her band Tigers & Monkeys (as well as the Shac): Shonali on Gothamist.
Here's my old Gothamist interview: Chelsea's Gothamist interview.
Here's the recordbreaking fish Andrea caught: Andrea's Huge Fish.
Here's Heather on the official Comedy Central Website: Heather on CC.
70 N 6th St (L train to Bedford). With Eugene Mirman and Dan Forbes.
Your photo on a stamp
PHOTOSTAMPS.COM
Screw every old president, screw the American flag, screw flowers and famous painters!
Thanks to my beloved Wendy Williams for her funny mention of this on her show.
STAMP IT OUT!
Screw every old president, screw the American flag, screw flowers and famous painters!
Thanks to my beloved Wendy Williams for her funny mention of this on her show.
STAMP IT OUT!
You're Indicted!
Check out my full version of the edite on the Huffington Post.
WARNING: Comments are intensely stimulating, so if you click in be prepared to really think hard for hours, and reconsider all your previous political stances.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Email me your favorite mp3
For my itunes: perettiblog(at)gmail.com
Come on, pleeeease....I have to do something about the complete atechnical amusical cave I've been sequestered in, listening to old Too Short CDs on a CD walkman.
Come on, pleeeease....I have to do something about the complete atechnical amusical cave I've been sequestered in, listening to old Too Short CDs on a CD walkman.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
For reasons inexplicable
I seriously attended this production Friday night.
Yes.
PS You must listen to the audio when this site loads.
Yes.
PS You must listen to the audio when this site loads.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Every time I see this online ad for Classmates.com :
I think Dustin Hoffman Dustin Hoffman Dustin Hoffman. It's almost like an OCD thing or something. I hope this has screenshot/posting has gotten it out of my system.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Due to the narcotics-related indiscretions of supermodel Kate Moss
Burberry, Chanel and H&M have dropped Moss from their ad campaigns.
Additionally, Spanish Moss would now like to be referred to by the scientific name: Tillandsia usneoides.
And Wolf Moss would also like to withdraw its casual title and go back to Letharia vulpina.
Still, who can deny the bitch has a bright future...
Additionally, Spanish Moss would now like to be referred to by the scientific name: Tillandsia usneoides.
And Wolf Moss would also like to withdraw its casual title and go back to Letharia vulpina.
Still, who can deny the bitch has a bright future...
BJORK BASHING!
Catherine Deneuve thinks Bjork is thoughtless.
In her new book, she describes Bjork's failure to appear (allegedly due to creative differences) while shooting Dancer in the Dark. Denueve: "What thoughtlessness - there are still 35 dancers here! She's used to being the centre of everything and wants to control it all."
Bjork responds:
"Yes, alright, Bjork we get it. Very elaborate."
In her new book, she describes Bjork's failure to appear (allegedly due to creative differences) while shooting Dancer in the Dark. Denueve: "What thoughtlessness - there are still 35 dancers here! She's used to being the centre of everything and wants to control it all."
Bjork responds:
"Yes, alright, Bjork we get it. Very elaborate."
Tonite
10 pm
Automatic Vaudeville season launch and afterparty at Ars Nova.
511 W. 54th St.
Tix here
Hosted by Bridgett Everett and Kenny Melman (of Kiki and Herb!)
Automatic Vaudeville season launch and afterparty at Ars Nova.
511 W. 54th St.
Tix here
Hosted by Bridgett Everett and Kenny Melman (of Kiki and Herb!)
IN HER SHOES
Tina Fey looks fantastic as usual
Ooooo!
Hard to decide do I fandango or do I moviefone? Do I rush in person to the theater? This is nuts. I feel like I'm a kid again.
Ooooo!
Hard to decide do I fandango or do I moviefone? Do I rush in person to the theater? This is nuts. I feel like I'm a kid again.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Some stuff for you to do
BetterSleep
Is your mattress size appropriate?
SeatGuru
Which airlines (and which planes and which rows and which seats in particular) have which legroom? Be sure to mouseover, kids. Otherwise this seems to contain little information!
StrapHangers (for NYers)
Another great site: Straphangers. You can click in to see how your most frequented subway line is performing. You can use it to figure out which subway to take to your destination. You can practically use it to brush your teeth.
HombreBlanco
And here's an anonymous blog written by a high school teacher in the Bronx. Take a sneaky peek into the public school system (start by orienting yourself with his "favorite posts" -- I think I'm gonna add FPs to my sidebar, too!). There's probably a relationship between tax cuts and the entertainment value of this blog...more tax cuts! More tax cuts!
Is your mattress size appropriate?
SeatGuru
Which airlines (and which planes and which rows and which seats in particular) have which legroom? Be sure to mouseover, kids. Otherwise this seems to contain little information!
StrapHangers (for NYers)
Another great site: Straphangers. You can click in to see how your most frequented subway line is performing. You can use it to figure out which subway to take to your destination. You can practically use it to brush your teeth.
HombreBlanco
And here's an anonymous blog written by a high school teacher in the Bronx. Take a sneaky peek into the public school system (start by orienting yourself with his "favorite posts" -- I think I'm gonna add FPs to my sidebar, too!). There's probably a relationship between tax cuts and the entertainment value of this blog...more tax cuts! More tax cuts!
Just when you think the Internet is slacking
You find a site that makes you see the world in a new way...
The CD is a must for all graphic designers and spiritualists.
The CD is a must for all graphic designers and spiritualists.
"...i've been smoking a lot of dope lately..."
On a roadtrip, my mom played Hoyt Axton's cover of The House Song and asked us to interpret it. No one could.
By the powers vested in her by the internet, we found a line-by-line explanation of the lyrics (written by Paul of Peter, Paul, and Mary). We were excited until we realized it was also entirely incomprehensible:
lyrics:
THIS HOUSE GOES ON SALE EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING
AND TAKEN OFF THE MARKET IN THE AFTERNOON
YOU CAN BUY A PIECE OF IT IF YOU WANT TO
IT'S BEEN GOOD TO ME IF IT'S BEEN GOOD FOR YOU
translation:
it is with an anxious nervous personal concern that this information is offered...being vulnerable on this kind of emotional level is new to me and so i am only able to reveal it occasionally and even then feel i must withdraw it shortly after...you can accept any or all of the following 'confession' and to whatever extent it becomes helpful for you it makes the revelation that much less painful for me...
lyrics:
'TAKE THE GRAND LOOK NOW; THE FIRE IS BURNING
IS THAT YOUR REFLECTION ON THE WALL?
I CAN SHOW YOU THIS ROOM AND SOME OTHERS
IF YOU CAME TO LOOK AT THE HOUSE AT ALL
translation:
gather what you can from what you see, this is the passion of creation. have you /will you notice the similarity in our observations. i'm hopeful that we can share many levels of understand ing if, in fact, you are here to learn something beyond just the knowledge that we hold some things in common.
Okay, well...thanks Paul!
By the powers vested in her by the internet, we found a line-by-line explanation of the lyrics (written by Paul of Peter, Paul, and Mary). We were excited until we realized it was also entirely incomprehensible:
lyrics:
THIS HOUSE GOES ON SALE EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING
AND TAKEN OFF THE MARKET IN THE AFTERNOON
YOU CAN BUY A PIECE OF IT IF YOU WANT TO
IT'S BEEN GOOD TO ME IF IT'S BEEN GOOD FOR YOU
translation:
it is with an anxious nervous personal concern that this information is offered...being vulnerable on this kind of emotional level is new to me and so i am only able to reveal it occasionally and even then feel i must withdraw it shortly after...you can accept any or all of the following 'confession' and to whatever extent it becomes helpful for you it makes the revelation that much less painful for me...
lyrics:
'TAKE THE GRAND LOOK NOW; THE FIRE IS BURNING
IS THAT YOUR REFLECTION ON THE WALL?
I CAN SHOW YOU THIS ROOM AND SOME OTHERS
IF YOU CAME TO LOOK AT THE HOUSE AT ALL
translation:
gather what you can from what you see, this is the passion of creation. have you /will you notice the similarity in our observations. i'm hopeful that we can share many levels of understand ing if, in fact, you are here to learn something beyond just the knowledge that we hold some things in common.
Okay, well...thanks Paul!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Things I have recently enjoyed:
Reading about the Murdoch family in New York magazine.
Reading about Anderson Cooper in NY magazine.
Night air (night walk).
Post dinner port.
New neighbors.
Learning to edit DV.
Watching Howard Stern talk to his guest David Letterman.
Tivo: Being Bobby Brown.
The rough cut of TO's documentary.
Cooking in my new kitchen.
Buckwheat pancakes.
This perfume sample to Theirry Mugler: "Innocent."
The Rejection Show.
Checks in the mail.
Pool in Red Hook.
The Velvet Cake at Bread Stuy.
Soy milk in Earl Grey tea.
Garlic.
Looking at clocktower at night from window.
Reading about Anderson Cooper in NY magazine.
Night air (night walk).
Post dinner port.
New neighbors.
Learning to edit DV.
Watching Howard Stern talk to his guest David Letterman.
Tivo: Being Bobby Brown.
The rough cut of TO's documentary.
Cooking in my new kitchen.
Buckwheat pancakes.
This perfume sample to Theirry Mugler: "Innocent."
The Rejection Show.
Checks in the mail.
Pool in Red Hook.
The Velvet Cake at Bread Stuy.
Soy milk in Earl Grey tea.
Garlic.
Looking at clocktower at night from window.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Shower me with your love.....
Shower me with your love...
Shower me with the love that I long for...
Shower me with your love...
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for
Shower me with the love that I long for...
Shower me with your love...
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for
Goodbye
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Friday, September 16, 2005
(SHOWER)HEAD OF THE CLASS!
Guys, guys, GUYS! I did it. I installed a cheap showerhead and it seems fan-fugging-tazz-tic! Will know more when I take my first shower in it (2-3 weeks from now).
HAHAAHAH
Just kidding! You see how easily I got you? We gotta stop playing around like this.
Coming soon to this blog: all seriousness, all earnesty, all facts--all the time. New policy. (Will let you know when it will go into effect, VIA A DIFFERENT BLOG, that will be comedic in nature, that I will have to create to give me some release from the seriousness of this one. Sound complicated and highly tangential? I don't care. So? Who cares? <---new debate style<---not really, it's an old standard.)
This showerhead change was the easiest home improvement e-v-e-r. Would you like another tip on this front? A friend came by and he looked at my old showerhead, diagnosing mineral build-up. "A glass of water, please." He asked, mysteriously. I complied. He sipt upon the h2o, then forcefully spat into the face of the showerhead, pushing the water in through the front. I watched, transfixed and titillated. Mineral deposits did begin to emerge from the showerhead's asshole! It was a pretty neat trick, however, unfortunately, that old head had been through too much and was a piece of plastic crap--thus I retired it after my dear, dear friend's dear efforts.
In other news, those of you who haven't explored the cheap and luxuriant joys of installing a DIMMER SWITCH---get. on. it. So little money for so much LIFESTYLE. Years ago I did this in my old hovel, so would need to remind myself how, but all I remember is: do not forget electrical tape and do not tape the wrong wires together. If you do, you could get an old-timey photographer type ~POP~ and slight explosion! It will be very exciting for a moment, but then will come the crushing realization that you have to trudge back down your 6 floor walk-up apt stairs to the overpriced hardware store for replacement everything.
--------------------------
!The Drowsy Factor!
This post equivalent to:
4444 = 4 CUPS CAMOMILE TEA
1111 = 1 SLEEPING PILL
3333 = THREE BEDTIME STORIES
HAHAAHAH
Just kidding! You see how easily I got you? We gotta stop playing around like this.
Coming soon to this blog: all seriousness, all earnesty, all facts--all the time. New policy. (Will let you know when it will go into effect, VIA A DIFFERENT BLOG, that will be comedic in nature, that I will have to create to give me some release from the seriousness of this one. Sound complicated and highly tangential? I don't care. So? Who cares? <---new debate style<---not really, it's an old standard.)
This showerhead change was the easiest home improvement e-v-e-r. Would you like another tip on this front? A friend came by and he looked at my old showerhead, diagnosing mineral build-up. "A glass of water, please." He asked, mysteriously. I complied. He sipt upon the h2o, then forcefully spat into the face of the showerhead, pushing the water in through the front. I watched, transfixed and titillated. Mineral deposits did begin to emerge from the showerhead's asshole! It was a pretty neat trick, however, unfortunately, that old head had been through too much and was a piece of plastic crap--thus I retired it after my dear, dear friend's dear efforts.
In other news, those of you who haven't explored the cheap and luxuriant joys of installing a DIMMER SWITCH---get. on. it. So little money for so much LIFESTYLE. Years ago I did this in my old hovel, so would need to remind myself how, but all I remember is: do not forget electrical tape and do not tape the wrong wires together. If you do, you could get an old-timey photographer type ~POP~ and slight explosion! It will be very exciting for a moment, but then will come the crushing realization that you have to trudge back down your 6 floor walk-up apt stairs to the overpriced hardware store for replacement everything.
--------------------------
!The Drowsy Factor!
This post equivalent to:
4444 = 4 CUPS CAMOMILE TEA
1111 = 1 SLEEPING PILL
3333 = THREE BEDTIME STORIES
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Does anyone know a Dentist or a Baker
located in NYC who is friendly, reliable and likes to have a good time?
Please let me know.
Thanks.
Please let me know.
Thanks.
Mark your calendars and prepare mentally.
FOR THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF...
WAKE UP SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER!
A live morning show with Bobby Tisdale and Chelsea Peretti.
•Morning songs like the infamous "I'm Getting Dressed" song!
•Alarm clock testing!
•Short films!
•Phone calls!
•Special insane guests!
•Dancing!
All live at 11AM EASTERN STANDARD TIME! Saturday, November 19th.
Fuck it, come in your pjs--we don't care.
Donuts and mimosas for sure.
+ YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SIGN UP FOR A COURTESY WAKE-UP CALL PRIOR TO THE SHOW. +
This photo taken at 8AM
We are so glad to be back after a 2-year hiatus.
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE THEATER.
NOV. 12.
11AM.
You hit snooze, you motherfucking lose.
More events.
WAKE UP SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER!
A live morning show with Bobby Tisdale and Chelsea Peretti.
•Morning songs like the infamous "I'm Getting Dressed" song!
•Alarm clock testing!
•Short films!
•Phone calls!
•Special insane guests!
•Dancing!
All live at 11AM EASTERN STANDARD TIME! Saturday, November 19th.
Fuck it, come in your pjs--we don't care.
Donuts and mimosas for sure.
+ YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SIGN UP FOR A COURTESY WAKE-UP CALL PRIOR TO THE SHOW. +
This photo taken at 8AM
We are so glad to be back after a 2-year hiatus.
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE THEATER.
NOV. 12.
11AM.
You hit snooze, you motherfucking lose.
More events.
Do you need to find a way to trap a nerd?
A lure of some sort? Post this on CL. Then just sit back and wait. Like honey to a bee...
In my new home
I am slowly assembling furniture, etc.
I still need a bed frame. What do you think of this one. I found it on Craig's List for $100, but I think it's already taken. --> :( <--
I want a new showerhead. Mine is a sucky "massaging" one with some sort of internal mineral build-up/blockage that causes it to feel like someone is timidly sneezing on you. It's also one of those annoying shower heads that has a long hose to it (it's in a converted clawfoot bathtub.) I was thinking of this one (Downpour). I've also read that the cheapo 4 dollar ones can actually work really well. We have low pressure. I think. Anyone done a showerhead switch recently? Any pitfalls I should know about?
Also need any tips on winterizing a window. I'm thinking of the blowdryered-on sheets. Mine are single-pane with wood frames.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about, or am I yelling into a void of NY and LA people with small apartments, lots of lunch/dinner dates and zero interest in home improvement?
I still need a bed frame. What do you think of this one. I found it on Craig's List for $100, but I think it's already taken. --> :( <--
I want a new showerhead. Mine is a sucky "massaging" one with some sort of internal mineral build-up/blockage that causes it to feel like someone is timidly sneezing on you. It's also one of those annoying shower heads that has a long hose to it (it's in a converted clawfoot bathtub.) I was thinking of this one (Downpour). I've also read that the cheapo 4 dollar ones can actually work really well. We have low pressure. I think. Anyone done a showerhead switch recently? Any pitfalls I should know about?
Also need any tips on winterizing a window. I'm thinking of the blowdryered-on sheets. Mine are single-pane with wood frames.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about, or am I yelling into a void of NY and LA people with small apartments, lots of lunch/dinner dates and zero interest in home improvement?
Know what I hate?
Accidental clicks. You're a-clickin around and you mis-click and ARGH. No! Didn't mean to click that! And then the page is loading and you're like No no! And you're clicking X stop, stop, stop, I don't want this page. For that 1 and 1/2 seconds it is a pure hell.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Boys!
COLLARS d o w n , PLLLLLLEEEEAASSSE. You are killing me. Collars down!
(Sound of boots stampeding into a room):
EVERYBODY COLLARS DOWN!
(Sound of boots stampeding into a room):
EVERYBODY COLLARS DOWN!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Insead of just a water fight (fun)
Or just a food fight (also fun!)....consider......
FOOD&WATER FIGHTS.
This is where you chew a bite of food and sip some water into your mouth then spit that all over someone.
Obviously it's twice the fun of either just a food fight or just a water fight.
But it's innapropriate right now due to the hurricane and people needing rations. Also, no matter when it's just wasteful. This becomes confusing because it is so fun. Lots of gravy/chili type textures spat atcha out of someone's mouth--usually with a huge element of surprise. You can't believe it. It just isn't done. Oh, yes it is! During a F&W fight. [Morally prohibited]
FOOD&WATER FIGHTS.
This is where you chew a bite of food and sip some water into your mouth then spit that all over someone.
Obviously it's twice the fun of either just a food fight or just a water fight.
But it's innapropriate right now due to the hurricane and people needing rations. Also, no matter when it's just wasteful. This becomes confusing because it is so fun. Lots of gravy/chili type textures spat atcha out of someone's mouth--usually with a huge element of surprise. You can't believe it. It just isn't done. Oh, yes it is! During a F&W fight. [Morally prohibited]
Haha
Been meaning to post Jakob Lodwick's anticommercial for GE's GXCF20E Water Dispenser. I gotta say I very, very much like this as a concept and the execution is simple & satisfying. You can't argue with an excellent idea: The Online Anti-Commercial.
I have an idea for a tv show that will never get made that is along these lines.
Interested networks, gmail me.
I have an idea for a tv show that will never get made that is along these lines.
Interested networks, gmail me.
Colonic-obsessed
Jesus.
Had happy hour with some pals yesterday, as I had time to kill in my old neighborhood. FYI I really don't drink much these days. Want to clarify that even though my blog has the words "ice luge" and "happy hour" in close vicinity, I'm not such a huge drinker. Mom. Sober friends. Drunk friends. I'm serious. I'm obsessively moderate.
Aaaaaanyhow.
So there we were at happy hour.
Two of the four of us, myself sharply excluded, were campaigning insanely for the benefits of colonics.
It was these two:
They told us about this site, where you can read the journal of some asshole who drank some magic thing that made him have crazy shits over a period of 2 months. They said once you see the pictures you will never look back. "You will want it out of you, you will want it out of you." They described the crazy colors and textures of things that would be excreted.
B drew a picture of one on his cocktail napkin.
Happy hour!
E mused gently on the concept, taking it "very seriously" as a health option.
They described the same photos over and over. "There are mustard yellow rubbery things that come out of you--coiled--six feet long. Alien-like things with sacs on them. Parasites. You will want it out of you."
"You will want it out."
I want out of this happy hour out of this happy hour out of this happy hour.
Read insanely disgusting descriptions here.
Doctors, weigh in. Please. We need you.
-------------------------
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Drue sends in the following report:
After seeing this post and the gross photos, I e-mailed my uncle who is a surgeon and director of the weight loss dieting clinic at Nyack Hospital...I directed him to the site. He says:
"Whatever these photos are - they probably are not anything from the human body...the digestive system, even in a situation of severe Diverticulitis (bowel obstruction), would not retain matter in "20 inch pieces...stuck to the walls of the intestines for many years" and passing sections of the intestine would be painful and also unlikely. Diverticulitis is essentially infected polyps or pouches in the large intestine which may be painful, but can be treated with either antibiotics or (as with an abscess or fistula) surgery.
This website also suggests that we are all walking around with huge intestinal worms, which is outrageous! Even pinworms will not grown beyond 1/2 inch in their adult form, and they can be treated using prescription drugs. Nowadays, even pinworm is rare.
The colon will not be "cleansed" by this kind of product. These herbal remedies generally have no more of an effect than any OTC laxative would, they might keep you in the bathroom, but they have no "cleansing" or "healing" properties. The best program for colon health is a diet high in fiber and drinking plenty of water. These people are kind of pushing the envelope with their claims of "improved skin and hair" as well. If you look in the instructions for this stuff, they recommend that you DO NOT use it for the long-term, with the exeption of their fiber product. I didn't read all of the testimonials, but if you were to move to a high fiber diet with plenty of fluids you would see results without this product...and certainly without whatever was in those photos!"
Had happy hour with some pals yesterday, as I had time to kill in my old neighborhood. FYI I really don't drink much these days. Want to clarify that even though my blog has the words "ice luge" and "happy hour" in close vicinity, I'm not such a huge drinker. Mom. Sober friends. Drunk friends. I'm serious. I'm obsessively moderate.
Aaaaaanyhow.
So there we were at happy hour.
Two of the four of us, myself sharply excluded, were campaigning insanely for the benefits of colonics.
It was these two:
They told us about this site, where you can read the journal of some asshole who drank some magic thing that made him have crazy shits over a period of 2 months. They said once you see the pictures you will never look back. "You will want it out of you, you will want it out of you." They described the crazy colors and textures of things that would be excreted.
B drew a picture of one on his cocktail napkin.
Happy hour!
E mused gently on the concept, taking it "very seriously" as a health option.
They described the same photos over and over. "There are mustard yellow rubbery things that come out of you--coiled--six feet long. Alien-like things with sacs on them. Parasites. You will want it out of you."
"You will want it out."
I want out of this happy hour out of this happy hour out of this happy hour.
Read insanely disgusting descriptions here.
Doctors, weigh in. Please. We need you.
-------------------------
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Drue sends in the following report:
After seeing this post and the gross photos, I e-mailed my uncle who is a surgeon and director of the weight loss dieting clinic at Nyack Hospital...I directed him to the site. He says:
"Whatever these photos are - they probably are not anything from the human body...the digestive system, even in a situation of severe Diverticulitis (bowel obstruction), would not retain matter in "20 inch pieces...stuck to the walls of the intestines for many years" and passing sections of the intestine would be painful and also unlikely. Diverticulitis is essentially infected polyps or pouches in the large intestine which may be painful, but can be treated with either antibiotics or (as with an abscess or fistula) surgery.
This website also suggests that we are all walking around with huge intestinal worms, which is outrageous! Even pinworms will not grown beyond 1/2 inch in their adult form, and they can be treated using prescription drugs. Nowadays, even pinworm is rare.
The colon will not be "cleansed" by this kind of product. These herbal remedies generally have no more of an effect than any OTC laxative would, they might keep you in the bathroom, but they have no "cleansing" or "healing" properties. The best program for colon health is a diet high in fiber and drinking plenty of water. These people are kind of pushing the envelope with their claims of "improved skin and hair" as well. If you look in the instructions for this stuff, they recommend that you DO NOT use it for the long-term, with the exeption of their fiber product. I didn't read all of the testimonials, but if you were to move to a high fiber diet with plenty of fluids you would see results without this product...and certainly without whatever was in those photos!"
Monday, September 12, 2005
Why Does My Microwave Popcorn Always Burn
The smoke is dark
The smell is sad
The smoke is dark
The smell is sad
It's kettle corn
I'm all alone
It's kettle corn
I'm all alone
Ah! Ah hot hot
Isolate problem kernels in the sink!
Isolate problem kernels!
Get them out
off on their own
Knock them out the bag.
Knock them in the sink.
Streaks of smoke
up in
my eyes
What could I do different?
The smell is sad
The smoke is dark
The smell is sad
It's kettle corn
I'm all alone
It's kettle corn
I'm all alone
Ah! Ah hot hot
Isolate problem kernels in the sink!
Isolate problem kernels!
Get them out
off on their own
Knock them out the bag.
Knock them in the sink.
Streaks of smoke
up in
my eyes
What could I do different?
Iceblock Make You Luge Cointreau
In the Hamptons, there was discussion of an ice luge, which was apparently some sort of icy drinking apparatus.
A box arrived. Cardboard, filled with ice. Big whoop. I thought, bored by the vision of a block of ice.
Then they got ta carving liquor lanes in it...I watched from a distance, a slight curiousity growing. Slight.
They put it up on a platform to facilitate use...fair enough.
It was ready.
It looked sort of...majestic...
Gripped by some unknown prehistoric urge, we inched forward from our silent observer stance, and sampled its bounty: Alize (red and blue), Vodka (peach and strawberry) poured slowly down.
Like drinking snowmelt off the side of a mountain.
And yes we did get into the frat!
A box arrived. Cardboard, filled with ice. Big whoop. I thought, bored by the vision of a block of ice.
Then they got ta carving liquor lanes in it...I watched from a distance, a slight curiousity growing. Slight.
They put it up on a platform to facilitate use...fair enough.
It was ready.
It looked sort of...majestic...
Gripped by some unknown prehistoric urge, we inched forward from our silent observer stance, and sampled its bounty: Alize (red and blue), Vodka (peach and strawberry) poured slowly down.
Like drinking snowmelt off the side of a mountain.
And yes we did get into the frat!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Off to the Hamptons....FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.
I can hardly believe it. I mean I have lived here for y.e.a.r.s. and never been once. Look for a searing post full of witticisms on race and class in American society and how self conscious I feel in a bikini very very soon!
A friend just told me that one of his friends just suddenly sent an open letter (email) to everyone they knew saying "Fuck you for never inviting me to the Hamptons" which I think is very funny. Hope you do too! Les fingues cruxed, Lords and Ladies.
I truly wish this were an audio post. You have no idea how insane it would be. Alas------I must be off----HHHHAAAAMMPPPTTTOOOONNNSSS I infiltrate at last.
FUTURE POST Iceblock Make You Luge Cointreau! to include discussion of Ice Luges.
A friend just told me that one of his friends just suddenly sent an open letter (email) to everyone they knew saying "Fuck you for never inviting me to the Hamptons" which I think is very funny. Hope you do too! Les fingues cruxed, Lords and Ladies.
I truly wish this were an audio post. You have no idea how insane it would be. Alas------I must be off----HHHHAAAAMMPPPTTTOOOONNNSSS I infiltrate at last.
FUTURE POST Iceblock Make You Luge Cointreau! to include discussion of Ice Luges.
A certain little tyke cracked open a bag of chips in the grocery store, and started snacking
A ton of fixed facial expressions ensued.
Friday, September 9, 2005
RIVETING
Haha just watched Kanye West rap to and about his mom and then dance with her and Oprah, on Oprah. He's wearing a bizarrely authentic preppy outfit, ie, not Andre stylee but just like some herb at the office. He's surrounded by Oprah's audience of 8,000 euphoric females, who are proudly clapping and swaying along to the song's "world premiere."
Oprah delivers on bizarre moments like a bitch!
Oprah delivers on bizarre moments like a bitch!
Thursday, September 8, 2005
Genius parody of corporate appropriation
Does anyone know who is behind this site? To a tee, it seems like a real Sprite site. Well done.
Belated bday gift for dad
I am struggling with what to get.
I can't decide should I get him a Grill Brush & Scraper set, or just send him a note that says "I don't know you."
Also possible: This could be perfect for my father.
It's hard because this makes me think about my father, but then this does too, and it's equally perfect.
But he might feel uncomfortable with those things because they are too fanciful. He may prefer something like this that he would use every day.
UPDATE:
Just almost talked myself into actually getting my dad the Park-Zone PZ-1500 Precison Parking Device. But then I remembered that joke gifts are always a huge dick move and mistake. You always have to wind up explaining the joke to the disgruntled party: "You see it's funny bc it's a piece of shit you would then have to store!"
I can't decide should I get him a Grill Brush & Scraper set, or just send him a note that says "I don't know you."
Also possible: This could be perfect for my father.
It's hard because this makes me think about my father, but then this does too, and it's equally perfect.
But he might feel uncomfortable with those things because they are too fanciful. He may prefer something like this that he would use every day.
UPDATE:
Just almost talked myself into actually getting my dad the Park-Zone PZ-1500 Precison Parking Device. But then I remembered that joke gifts are always a huge dick move and mistake. You always have to wind up explaining the joke to the disgruntled party: "You see it's funny bc it's a piece of shit you would then have to store!"
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
So did you guys watch R. Kelly's VMA performance or what?
For starters, the guy who did RK's intro makes me weep inside.
Who is this gorgeous piece of shit?
He looks like something Hollywood cobbled together out of spare parts.
Two thumbs up on him just being a thing that exists.
Doubleu-o-doubleu!
After this intro (wait out the initial bit of the actual music video), you'll get to watch R. Kelly's entrance onto his elaborate custom-built theatrical set where he plays 28,000 parts in a lyrical tale of faithlessness, indignance, and lovers crossed...
RUFUS! CHUCK!
CHUCK! RUFUS!
Chuck looked at Rufus...
Rufus looked at Chuck! He said Chuck--Chuck said Rufus--!
Rufus said 'What?' Chuck said 'What?'
Chuck stared at Rufus...............Rufus stared right back at Chuck.
Chuck, Rufus.
Rufus, Chuck.
Chuck Chuck Rufus Chuck Chuck.
Chuck and Rufus! Rufus and Chuck! Chuck! RUFUS! RUFUS! Chuck! Ruuuufus, Chuuuuuck. CHUCK! Rufus!
I can't get it out of my mind.
Video here.
The act is nearly seven minutes long but don't worry it feels more like five centuries.
Who is this gorgeous piece of shit?
He looks like something Hollywood cobbled together out of spare parts.
Two thumbs up on him just being a thing that exists.
Doubleu-o-doubleu!
After this intro (wait out the initial bit of the actual music video), you'll get to watch R. Kelly's entrance onto his elaborate custom-built theatrical set where he plays 28,000 parts in a lyrical tale of faithlessness, indignance, and lovers crossed...
RUFUS! CHUCK!
CHUCK! RUFUS!
Chuck looked at Rufus...
Rufus looked at Chuck! He said Chuck--Chuck said Rufus--!
Rufus said 'What?' Chuck said 'What?'
Chuck stared at Rufus...............Rufus stared right back at Chuck.
Chuck, Rufus.
Rufus, Chuck.
Chuck Chuck Rufus Chuck Chuck.
Chuck and Rufus! Rufus and Chuck! Chuck! RUFUS! RUFUS! Chuck! Ruuuufus, Chuuuuuck. CHUCK! Rufus!
I can't get it out of my mind.
Video here.
The act is nearly seven minutes long but don't worry it feels more like five centuries.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
