New smile alert!

I tend to cycle out old smile styles and pick new ones as I go.

Often, I will take my inspiration from a passing child on the street, a minister's wife, a co-worker, or a special neighbor. This time, I found inspiration on a wall.

Guess which smile I chose of the two great choices below?

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I chose this one:


Sorry goes out to young Bangs McCheeksen! Your smile was good but not good enough. This is a personal call obviously but I prefer not to pick an open-mouther if I can avoid. It's a little silly for constant use. I prefer the tightly clamped shut half side smile so I'm very happy with my selection.

Here's some links to email and IM out to people, along with suggestions of a note to preface each link.

I saw this amazing photo that made me think of the world in a whole different way and of course I thought of you because you are also showing me things in a unique light. Your singular perspective means the world to me. I'd be happy to pick this up for you as a token of my appreciation.

Hey, I saw something on Craig's List that I think you'd be really into.

Wanna meet up and get a snack later? My treat.

It's always awkward to explain this to people, but I think I just fell in love. Wanted you to be the first to know...Meet Mr. Chelsea Peretti...

A couple new

Amazon Reviews.

I thought you guys

would love and get a kick out of this!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAA

Is Halloween 8 fucking nights long now?

How is everyone gallavanting around in their costumes--for a week straight? The pep must stop. Okay, okay you're wild and creative! You put your hours in at the day job but then when it's fun time you go out there and give it your all! Point taken!

Last year, I thought it was funny to ask every girl wearing just like a wig, short skirt, and 10 lbs of make-up: "OOo! What are you?"

This year, I was internally revising this fantasy question to "Ooo! What type of slut are you?" Which had me laughing inwardly all evening on Friday, every time I saw some girl in cat ears and daisey dukes.

Late in the night I saw a sexy Asian lady in a blond wig and was thinking of what I very badly wanted to ask her: "Are you a white slut?"

Just kidding! Ladies: YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

DIY: print and poster

Or just use with shellac to wallpaper your home.

David Cross Naked

This ad caught mine eye...



From the site:

"There’s nothing funny about being electrocuted, drowned, strangled, gassed, beaten to death, or caught in a steel-jaw leghold trap just so that some greedy, heartless person can wear your skin because they think that it makes them look rich or glamorous."

Right. There probably isn't, but the way this is worded does make it seem pretty funny, right? Am I wrong?

Just when you thought I was getting boring

I go and save the day with this picture of a window!

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH UPDATE

Boots bought.

Extras Episode 4

Favorite episode by far. 100% because of the plot strain where the other extra wants to be friends with Gervais. RG = top form in every take.

Why are you telling me this?
No! Innapropriate!

THIS COMING TUESDAY NOV 1...calendars should be marked by now.

VARIETY SHAC! The one year anniversary is upon us. Don't freak out and get nervous about what this means--IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP! Yippeeeeee! It's just a live comedy show. So you can fold up your speech about "needing to explore the world more and find out who you are" and tuck it in your pocket!




As always with your SHAC core:
Andrea Rosen
Heather Lawless
Chelsea Peretti
& Shonali Bhowmik


Plus, special extras this month will help us celebrate a year of good times:

•The Strawberry Floatboats return with a new, one year anniversary themesong. Good timing for that!
•We have 50 giftbags to give away from MiaMarketing.
•We have a limited number of brand spanking new Variety Shac t-shirts for sale, with original art by R Land. (You can see his work also on our flyer archive.)

And then of course the guests, who are two manfriends we love deeply:
Michael Showalter
AD Miles

Our short film this month is about us having corporate jobs--inside of corporate America!

On Gothamist
On The Apiary.

Thanks for your support of this show that we love.

Tuesday, November 1
8:30 sharp
Galapagos backroom 70 N 6th St
L train to Bedford
Free

The heat is ON!

This is rarely a figurative exclaimation in NY. Literally, the heat is now 'on' and no longer 'off.'

I've never been so happy.

:)

PS
:) <----That's how you can tell if I'm happy when I'm online. Don't bother reading my words to try to glean things that way. This will be our little system. I feel like let's call it emoticons because it's sort of like an emotional icon or an icon of my emotions.

So anyway even if I go: I had the worst day :) That still means I'm happy.

Show tonight (Wed)

UPDATE:
This venue is amazing. You almost walk right past it on a quiet street with warehouse feel. Then you enter a beautful darkened room with tables, a massive old chandelier, and a candlelit bar. The people who work there smile at you like you share a secret. But where's the show? You push a door and are suddenly enveloped in BRIGHT white light. You're in a brilliant, colorless hallway with many unmarked doors. You instinctively go straight to the door at the end: push open. You're in a square room with screens illuminating every wall. There are cushiony white benches lining every side of the room with low long tables in front of them. The food and wine is very tasty. The show feels like a great dinner party. Warm, titillating, relaxed and charged all at once. Everyone's telling stories back to back. The staff is insanely cool. Any media screens on all four walls at once, so no matter where you're sitting, you have a comfortable view.

This storytelling show is monthly. Andrea hosts. Heather and I tell stories. Other familiar faces join.

Excited.

At Monkeytown with host Andrea Rosen!
58 N. 3rd St (btwn Wyth and Kent). Williamsburg, L to Bedford.
With: Mike Albo, Heather Lawless, Chelsea Peretti, Tom Shillue.

This show has a loose storytelling theme.

The venue is new and seems cool and the menu looks yummy. Don't clank your fork during my story.

I have never eaten there, but here's what I would order off the menu posted on their site:

tilapia ceviche
over arugula with pumpkin
seeds and radish
$7

persian lamb chop loin
with harissa, mint, and
preserved lemon orzo
$16

spiced short ribs
with steel cut oatmeal cake
and Chinese long beans
$12

Or possibly the squid.

New Feature "How Much is Too Much?"

How much is too much $ for...

• A beautiful duvet.
• A pair of stiletto black vinyl boots.

IM link humor.

Tonight I enjoyed IM by asking people to buy me two ridiculous items at a ridiculous price.

Let's take a closer look...



(http://www.polo.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2078909&cp=1760785&nav=lhn)





I'll leave you with this:



I guess we all learned something tonight: Always have a more clearly defined business plan.

Love & Love.

Sometimes you suddenly remember something you knew all along...

The Century 21 Song

"I just fell in love
With Century 21.
I just fell in love
All over again
With Century 21.
Not the real estate agency
But the big department store.
I just fell in love
I spent hours in there.
Why if it hadn't closed
I could've stayed the night.
I'm in love oooo ooooh..."

A blog destined for stardom

Should be updated, though. Camman.

Oooo--cassettes r pretty!

C A S S E TT E S !



Via Air Massive

MISSED CONNECTIONS

You're some guy. Can't really remember much about you but that you probably had a coat on. You're def not a girl but some type of guy. I almost want to say you have brown hair and possible green coat but I could be making that up. You had the general eyes and face of a guy. You carried a camera and took a picture of the cupcakes at the last variety shac show. Do you have that picture? I would like it.

Must Have Song for Anyone in Entertainment

Lifesavas "Hellohihey." Listen here.

I'm currently hell of into it.


Another favorite on the ego front: "What's Up Fatlip?" (vid)

ADVICE

Do you guys think it is okay to cook a piece of fish and save the leftovers in the fridge and then reheat them a couple days later? This is a shrimp and fish dish. And then refrigerate what wasn't eaten again and then reheat it all again...nibble off that...then put the dish back in the fridge again to wait for reheating. Then nuke it again and then put the remainder in the fridge and then heat it and eat that?

Is it safe?

My feedback to Amazon.com = unneccesarily crazed and frantic!

(Click in if you care)

I guess obnoxious feedbacking runs in the family.

Dearest Aspiring Creatives in NYC:

If we have some sort of personal email correspondance that does not inherently authorize you to then add my email address to your mailing list. Don't be a cock about sharing your talents.

Do you love fall?

Or are you someone I can relate to?

I personally can't stand the "crispness of the air!" And I would trade the "beautiful changing of the leaves!" for a sunny sidewalk any day. Don't be crazy, fall-lovers. Do you really love seasons? I cannot believe you are serious, no matter how many times you blather poetically through your annoyingly peppy scarves, breath marking a path in the air like a lighthouse light through a fog. People who love fall are generally more ardent and fervent than the job entails. If you love fall, you're like a Jehovah's Witness to me in that I do not want you in my home talking your nonsense. People who love fall: did you also invent polyester, the bird flu, and sundried tomatoes? Because those are things that suck too. HAH! Sundried tomato lovers I don't want to hear a peep out of you--you're batshit crazy too, but the topic is "Fall" and we must stay on task.

Fall-lovers! Here's a little quiz for you:

FALL-LOVERS QUIZ
1.) You love war and hate puppies.
2.) You love murder and and despise chocolate.
3.) You love tyranny and hate equanimity.
3.) You love tornados.

It was just a list of accusations, in the end, not a quiz! But I didn't want to tell you up front that because I was scared you wouldn't read the list. Everyone's always up for a quiz. You're being ridiculous, you see?

Not only do I hate Fall in and of itself, but Fall also reminds me that Winter is coming, and that dreaded month of December when I only wear the following wardrobe:

NO EXCEPTIONS!

NO EXCEPTIONS!

NO EXCEPTIONS!

NO EXCEPTIONS!

HAPPY MONDAY, STUPID IDIOT BASTARD!

(Said with affection)

... w e e k e n d ...

today/tonight
1. Lunch (chinese food: cashew chicken, spinach with garlic).
2. Shac shoot.
3. Drinks at Jimmys.
4. Dinner at some famous, family-style Italian place (seafood ravioli with spinach and tiny scallops on top, vodka salmon).
5. Fellini DVD (dessert: rose tea and warm pumpkin cake and vanilla ice cream, rain outside.)
6. Dave Chappelle 2004 special. Good lord. A.m.a.z.i.n.g.

yesterday/yesternight
1. Museum.
2. Tea at friend's studio, getting music put all up into my ipod.
3. Thinking about future with pregnant friend, long phonecall.
4. Baking pumpkin cakes (add plain yogurt, cinnamon, dash of chili powder).
5. Documentary about something I've been curious about.
6. Secret things! Something secret I did!
7. Sleeping late (return to top of post).

I think this is really just the rare post to say life is being very sweet.

LAAADIES! NEW DESKTOP SUGGESTION IS IN!

Cool pictures to look at

Don't these photographs make you want to take a roadtrip?

All are taken by Stefano Giovannini, who also shot the Variety Shac's TGIF DANCEPARTY.



Being that I listen to mainly Mariah Carey's "Shake It Off," I didn't get that the woman featured prominently in the pix is Cat Power. I learned it later here, when I recognized her on Justin Purnell's blog.

Also saw this there:

Pop Quizzz

Which one of these fish is dead.

JKim's amazingly bitchy lateass review of Garden State

I kind of liked it, but his arguments have merit.

Know what I loved? History of Violence. Good good good.

HEY EVERYBODY! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

JUST KIDDING.

A Couple Little Trees Grow in Brooklyn

DON'T WORRY, DEPT OF AGRICULTURE, ALL PLANTS HAVE BEEN PROPERLY SCREENED.



BANG! BANG! WEAK PHOTO JOKES.

Housewarming...

Thanks KF

Today's request to my personal assistant...

"I have a taste for grits and poached eggs and I clearly feel a bit under the weather. One, find out if there's any Southern breakfast spots in the near area and and two...buy the ingredients if not. Now. I also need you to turn this jpg into a slide by Nov 1st."

How is this a news article?

This type of journalism drives me fucking crazy. Who tossed the kids? Why were they allegedly tossed? Alleged is fine, but give us that at least--something about the person who tossed them. But nooooooo, they were just "tossed." However, we can know that the call to the police was made at precisely 5:30pm and that "high-powered lights" were used in the search process of waters that were "35 feet deep." Fantastic precision, Breitbart.

UPDATE:
Now here we motherfucking GO! Mother hearing voices tosses her kids off a pier--that is News!

MNT

My new thing is to play mimic in IM. People find it hilarious.

Sup?
Sup?
How you doin?
How you doin?
Stop!
Stop!
So lame.
So lame.
Annoying.
Annoying.
I'm going to block you.
I'm going to block you.

Sigh. Good old Craigslist. (Can't help but do a little "guesswork.")

Stearns and Foster BED with boxspring:
"additional details: i will accompany you to your room and help you assemble the bed from the time you pick it up. this will make everything a lot faster as there will be no guesswork as to where to put each screw and how to align the frame."

Fantastic! It would make things faster for you to accompany me to my bedroom and show me how to screw.

Arty video: "The Boots."

In the following IM, the part of Chelsea Peretti will be played by an "Oh No You Didn't icon."

Here's the link, you lazy pos, watch THE BOOTS for yourself....

IS "The Boots" truly boring? UB the judge!


THE END......?

Show tonight: Invite Them Up

With hosts Bobby Tisdale and Eugene Mirman

And:
Chelsea Peretti (new readers, that is me)
Nick Kroll
Leo Allen
Greg Johnson

I'm working on a particular set, so enjoy all your old favorites tonite plus a few new things thrown in there to electrify you and me til we die.

Happy Wednesday

I miss everything.

But not my old bathroom.

Grab my clammy hand and let's take a trip down memory lane...


BATHROOM TOUR:

Great show tonite

Jon Friedman's Rejection Show is tonite, it's a show where people talk about creative projects they did that got rejected.

Here's what Jon said when he was answering a simple question he asked himself about the show on his website:

What is The Rejection Show? The Rejection Show is a comedic based event that embraces the rejected and "turned down" material of professional and amateur writers, comedians, cartoonists, artists, and human beings whom display their creative “failures” live on stage.

I went and checked out the last one and was really inspired by the people who spoke, particularly Jackie the Joke Man Martling, and also by the tight ship that Jon runs in terms of production.

I will be talking about one television show I developed with my brother (who I made the Rejection Line and BPLU with) that ultimately, after much to-do, did not wind up being made.

8PM
Performance Space 122
150 1st Avenue at 9th St.
Tix here

Song I'm obsessed with right now

Lucinda Williams: Greenville.

Don't wanna see you again or hold your hand
Cause you don't really love me you're not my man
You're not my man oh you're not my man
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

You scream and shout and you make a scene
When you open your mouth you never say what you mean
Say what you mean oh say what you mean
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

You drink hard liquor you come on strong
You lose your temper someone looks at you wrong
Looks at you wrong oh looks at you wrong
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

Out all night playin in a band
Looking for a fight with a guitar in your hand
A guitar in your hand oh a guitar in your hand
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

Empty bottles and broken glass
Busted down doors and borrowed cash
Borrowed cash oh the borrowed cash
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

Looking for someone to save you
Looking for someone to rave about you
To rave about you oh to rave about you
Go back to Greenville just go on back to Greenville

This post entitled: I LOVE ROLLOVERS.

I'm redo-ing my site and I was iming with homeboy who's doing it. Previously he thought it was funny when I sent him a doc describing what I want...and there was one isolated line in it that just noted "I love rollovers!"

But apparently I didn't know how much I did love rollovers...the IM please...





I love rollovers!

And here is something I hate:



I just hate everything about it. The jpg, the text. It's just such a blah ad. Those of you with the most boring jobs may have even noticed that I titled the jpg blahad.jpg!