Friday, March 31, 2006
Number of Threats "Not to Read My Blog Anymore" If I Keep Posting Peppers Pix
3
Does that mean the power of Peppers is strong, or that the pull of my blog is pretty weak? You can answer with the latter/former format, but I'll tell you a little secret: When it comes to latter and former I can never remember which is which. So I won't know what you mean and will just smile noddingly.
Anyhow. Now we've come to the Formal Apology part of this post:
Dear Gang:
I'm sorry you don't like Peppers...
I'm sorry I forced you to look upon a man ravaged by both physical and mental deformity. I apologize for making you think about a side of life many of us prefer to pretend away. Women and ladies, so sorry for planting the seed of his hands on you as he went about his vile ways. It wasn't right to spring this viral image upon you so late in the internet game either, but that's neither here nor there, from what I gather. The three people who have threatened me are good people. I'm a good person. Peppers....hard to say. It would seem.....no.
Anyhow, I am deeply apologetic for posting pictures of this man:
Does that mean the power of Peppers is strong, or that the pull of my blog is pretty weak? You can answer with the latter/former format, but I'll tell you a little secret: When it comes to latter and former I can never remember which is which. So I won't know what you mean and will just smile noddingly.
Anyhow. Now we've come to the Formal Apology part of this post:
Dear Gang:
I'm sorry you don't like Peppers...
I'm sorry I forced you to look upon a man ravaged by both physical and mental deformity. I apologize for making you think about a side of life many of us prefer to pretend away. Women and ladies, so sorry for planting the seed of his hands on you as he went about his vile ways. It wasn't right to spring this viral image upon you so late in the internet game either, but that's neither here nor there, from what I gather. The three people who have threatened me are good people. I'm a good person. Peppers....hard to say. It would seem.....no.
Anyhow, I am deeply apologetic for posting pictures of this man:
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Woodstock Afterparty
I was singing a particular part of Shanice's "I Love Your Smile" with Andrea, loudly, over and over--when we noticed a new "little old friend" had joined us!
Some of you would like to leave it at that. Some of you would like...MORE BACKSTORY. Here you go: initially, he did endearing, jazzy vocal improvisations, then he suddenly began to rap.
Here's most of his song, as I understand it:
...See you later cause we gonna be a alligator...rhino...swamp-like...
I heard these girls singing harmony
I thought it might relate to me
I can bust a rhyme off the dome
and I'm tellin you I'm home.
If I get you to go
we're gonna sit down with some surround-sound
We're going to a little git-around on my couch
Don't say ouch, you're gonna be comfortable
Now this girl, might be grazie
but she's the laziest slowest paparazzi
that I ever seen, cause I'll tell ya
she's been trying to take a picture for 20 minutes!
She got the camera, she got the phone, but ain't nothing going home.
Woodstock: Still Kickin!
-------------------------------
UPDATE! UPDATE!
-------------------------------
Todd Levin writes:
I just watched the video on your site and it was like a slow, insane torture. i think the fact that you refused to stop harmonizing made the discomfort mount to a totally ridiculous level. still, props to that three-hundred year-old prospector for dropping the word "dome" into his rap. and props to me for dropping the word "props."
here are some possible hip-hop artist names for that old gentleman to adopt, in case you have his business card:
MC Gold Rush
MC Catheter
MC Veteran's Hospital Outpatient Bracelet
MC Boost
Li'l Rickets
DJ Phonograph
Kid Notkid
Big Daddy Missing Person Report
Baby Grandpa
Marco
Some of you would like to leave it at that. Some of you would like...MORE BACKSTORY. Here you go: initially, he did endearing, jazzy vocal improvisations, then he suddenly began to rap.
Here's most of his song, as I understand it:
...See you later cause we gonna be a alligator...rhino...swamp-like...
I heard these girls singing harmony
I thought it might relate to me
I can bust a rhyme off the dome
and I'm tellin you I'm home.
If I get you to go
we're gonna sit down with some surround-sound
We're going to a little git-around on my couch
Don't say ouch, you're gonna be comfortable
Now this girl, might be grazie
but she's the laziest slowest paparazzi
that I ever seen, cause I'll tell ya
she's been trying to take a picture for 20 minutes!
She got the camera, she got the phone, but ain't nothing going home.
Woodstock: Still Kickin!
-------------------------------
UPDATE! UPDATE!
-------------------------------
Todd Levin writes:
I just watched the video on your site and it was like a slow, insane torture. i think the fact that you refused to stop harmonizing made the discomfort mount to a totally ridiculous level. still, props to that three-hundred year-old prospector for dropping the word "dome" into his rap. and props to me for dropping the word "props."
here are some possible hip-hop artist names for that old gentleman to adopt, in case you have his business card:
MC Gold Rush
MC Catheter
MC Veteran's Hospital Outpatient Bracelet
MC Boost
Li'l Rickets
DJ Phonograph
Kid Notkid
Big Daddy Missing Person Report
Baby Grandpa
Marco
Friday, March 24, 2006
Good god.
If you've seen this already, I don't care, take another look.
If you haven't, how about taking a look?
If you haven't, how about taking a look?
Business Contacts, Listen Up
I'm going to start inviting all business contacts to gmail and myspace.
Yes, you can think of this as another new email policy. Here's the deal: You write me about some business endeavor or another. I respond accordingly. Moments later, you see another email from me: it's a gmail invite. I am extending an invitation to you. Couple minutes more, I invite you into my myspace community. That's it for now.
Let's be super close and in really great contact.
Bye.
Yes, you can think of this as another new email policy. Here's the deal: You write me about some business endeavor or another. I respond accordingly. Moments later, you see another email from me: it's a gmail invite. I am extending an invitation to you. Couple minutes more, I invite you into my myspace community. That's it for now.
Let's be super close and in really great contact.
Bye.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
ROBOT VOICE: "TOO MUCH FUN IS BE-ING HAD."
Tonight at 9:30 is the lovely HOT TUB (@ The PIT, 154 W 29th St, $8) hosted by the lovely Kristin and Kurt. I'm performing. Also on the bill are Michael Showalter, Mike Birbiglia, Brett Gelman and that's what I remember right now but there's others!
The next morning it's off to....WOODSTOCK for the Variety Shac Woodstock extravaganza (9pm, Saturday night, Bearsville Theater). If you know how to kill bears, let me know because I am scared of this theater!
Hope to see yall up there.
-C
The next morning it's off to....WOODSTOCK for the Variety Shac Woodstock extravaganza (9pm, Saturday night, Bearsville Theater). If you know how to kill bears, let me know because I am scared of this theater!
Hope to see yall up there.
-C
The Post in Which I Address You as Children I've Neglected
Hey, critters! Hey whatsamacallits! Look at you! I've been missin ya like crazy, you know that, riiiiight? It's been really hectic lately but I care for you all, you know that right?
Check it out
My friend Pete made a song called "Add Me" and I'm saying stuff on it.
(Read "Thanx 4 add" simulation post here...)
(Read "Thanx 4 add" simulation post here...)
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Woodstock show this Saturday the 25th
VARIETY SHAC with special guests:
David Cross & Jon Benjamin.
Are you going? Seems like a lot of people are and like it's going to be real fun. We're currently editing a special 10-minute film!
Bearsville Theater
Route 212, Woodstock (845) 246-7045
• Map/Transportation/Lodgings
• Poster
Saturday, March 18, 2006
New Email Policy
There was much fanfare about my old email policy, all of it self-fanfared.
Now I have a new email policy...........
NEW EMAIL POLICY:
One email per person.
Now I have a new email policy...........
NEW EMAIL POLICY:
One email per person.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Trapped in the Airport
The following post covers the 12-hour Denver, CO airport "Hang Festival" that followed closely on the heels of the Aspen Comedy Festival (due to flight delays and a missed connection).
At the Denver airport, departures are a mirage:
People relax for hours at the Denver airport...
Who knew how quickly this conversation would devolve into...
...Gypsy Town, USA?
At the Denver airport, I had enough downtime to look for & procure side work to pick up a little snack and drink money.
Using airport utilities, a comfortable man.
"Sugars and Creams" Meneve
Here we are hanging out, just after taking our evening meal. Two comics had time to make a baby. Guess who (pictured) did not make any babies and was alone, babyless?
...AND NOW...VIDEO TIME...
How did I get everyone to agree to be recorded? Easy. This video serves as a contract.
Escalator: Watch for Baron
Escalator: Chelsea Goes Down
At first this seems like one thing...and then another entirely!
Boring...boring...then BLAMMO!
This almost looks normal...
Every brilliant pastime comes at a price...here, Baron suffers an injury.
What you learned: Be very careful when you're doing stunts at an airport.
And:
Don't kill a baby out of sheer exhaustion and discomfort.
At the Denver airport, departures are a mirage:
People relax for hours at the Denver airport...
Who knew how quickly this conversation would devolve into...
...Gypsy Town, USA?
At the Denver airport, I had enough downtime to look for & procure side work to pick up a little snack and drink money.
Using airport utilities, a comfortable man.
"Sugars and Creams" Meneve
Here we are hanging out, just after taking our evening meal. Two comics had time to make a baby. Guess who (pictured) did not make any babies and was alone, babyless?
...AND NOW...VIDEO TIME...
How did I get everyone to agree to be recorded? Easy. This video serves as a contract.
Escalator: Watch for Baron
Escalator: Chelsea Goes Down
At first this seems like one thing...and then another entirely!
Boring...boring...then BLAMMO!
This almost looks normal...
Every brilliant pastime comes at a price...here, Baron suffers an injury.
What you learned: Be very careful when you're doing stunts at an airport.
And:
Don't kill a baby out of sheer exhaustion and discomfort.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Aspen Videos
Click on each image to view video...
Here's a short peek at how the altitude affected our pre-show vibe:
In video: Charlie Todd of Improv Everywhere and Ricky Van Veen of College Humor
VH1 had a party at the festival called "Best Festival Party Ever!" Indeed, it was an awesome, awesome time. Check it out:
Foreground: Sam Brown of Whitest Kids You Know
Here's a short peek at how the altitude affected our pre-show vibe:
In video: Charlie Todd of Improv Everywhere and Ricky Van Veen of College Humor
VH1 had a party at the festival called "Best Festival Party Ever!" Indeed, it was an awesome, awesome time. Check it out:
Foreground: Sam Brown of Whitest Kids You Know
Monday, March 13, 2006
Some other shows this week to check out
Weds. 8pm "Storytelling" at Monkeytown. Andrea Rosen hosts awesome guests, including ol' CP and Michael Showalter. There is really, really good food here and this venue is amazing.
Sat. 8pm "The Shark Show" at Mo Pitkins. Comedy and sketch at this long-running show.
(More info on events page...)
Sat. 8pm "The Shark Show" at Mo Pitkins. Comedy and sketch at this long-running show.
(More info on events page...)
I am finally back in New York
Due to flight delays and missed connections, many comics (CONGRATULATIONS TO: Lenny Marcus, Russ Meneve, Baron Vaughn, Sherry and Jacob Sirof, the Walsh brothers) and I spent the night huddled together in the cozy Denver airport, where we slept on the floor. It was certainly a fantastic time and a hoot all at once.
• Read Bob's realtime account on the HBO blog here.
• I took many pictures and videos during our pleasant stay at the Denver airport, they should surface soon.
• Read Bob's realtime account on the HBO blog here.
• I took many pictures and videos during our pleasant stay at the Denver airport, they should surface soon.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Fresh from the Fest
Here's some random photographic images from the Aspen Comedy Festival. I don't know if Barry Bonds put this event together, but it certainly has been a bonding experience. Today is my last day. I'm done with my shows and now can just hang out. Went this morning to a great panel on the Richard Pryor show (four episodes only, on NBC) where we got to hear behind-the-scenes stories and then watch related clips.
More pics to follow. Videoblogging has been impossible so far with my limited internet access, but I'll try to get something up soon.
"Off the Web" co-hosts Bob Powers and Todd Levin with unnamed friend.
Gentle Jim and a gorgeous trannie.
Peretti and Sam dazzle at the Molly Gibson Lodge.
Oakland's own Sinatra, and Improv Everywhere's Sinatra.
All smiles! This dog belonged to a man (not pictured) who brought it everywhere with him and posed it around on his arm and on the bar. If you so much as glanced you would be regaled with tales of the pup's glorious olympic career as a snowboarder or something I can't remember exactly because I was so impressed it was almost like I wasn't able to listen.
Another instance of internet piracy.
More pics to follow. Videoblogging has been impossible so far with my limited internet access, but I'll try to get something up soon.
"Off the Web" co-hosts Bob Powers and Todd Levin with unnamed friend.
Gentle Jim and a gorgeous trannie.
Peretti and Sam dazzle at the Molly Gibson Lodge.
Oakland's own Sinatra, and Improv Everywhere's Sinatra.
All smiles! This dog belonged to a man (not pictured) who brought it everywhere with him and posed it around on his arm and on the bar. If you so much as glanced you would be regaled with tales of the pup's glorious olympic career as a snowboarder or something I can't remember exactly because I was so impressed it was almost like I wasn't able to listen.
Another instance of internet piracy.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
Okay, gals n bois,
I'm off to Aspen. I'll be blogging for the HBO Comedy Festival site (*link now updated to specific page*) for the four nights I'm out there, as well as videoblogging to the Huffington Post! Keep in touch there.
Who knows, I may even dish some unedited dirt right here on the ol' blogspot...
Who knows, I may even dish some unedited dirt right here on the ol' blogspot...
What to say?
UPDATE ON SOME RECENT ACTIVITIES:
1. I ate at Keen's steakhouse.
2. I went on a late night excursion to the Empire States Building. Pic to follow.
3. I went to a New York Knicks game.
They don't seem to be so good.
Their uniforms are hideous. The NY Crosswalks is what I was calling them--behind their back! If you know the uniform, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah! Slap me five!
There was a magic act which consisted of a woman changing her dress a bazillion times. It was increasingly amazing the longer it lasted, but also who cares? Get sawed in half, Creativity-Train.
I liked being in an atmosphere where I could shout out things at my leisure. The seating was cramped, so I could scream: "STRETCH MY LEGS! STRETCH MY LEEEEEEEEGGS!" as I did it. Sort of in the hot dog vendor sing-song. Also a great way to deal with internal bickering within your party: "YOU ARE WRONG! INCORREE-EEECT!"
1. I ate at Keen's steakhouse.
2. I went on a late night excursion to the Empire States Building. Pic to follow.
3. I went to a New York Knicks game.
They don't seem to be so good.
Their uniforms are hideous. The NY Crosswalks is what I was calling them--behind their back! If you know the uniform, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah! Slap me five!
There was a magic act which consisted of a woman changing her dress a bazillion times. It was increasingly amazing the longer it lasted, but also who cares? Get sawed in half, Creativity-Train.
I liked being in an atmosphere where I could shout out things at my leisure. The seating was cramped, so I could scream: "STRETCH MY LEGS! STRETCH MY LEEEEEEEEGGS!" as I did it. Sort of in the hot dog vendor sing-song. Also a great way to deal with internal bickering within your party: "YOU ARE WRONG! INCORREE-EEECT!"
Monday, March 6, 2006
Funny
This is a funny thing you can read by Todd Levin, one of the hosts of "Off the Web" (the show I'm doing in Aspen), and a very funny writer. If you find yourself in Aspen this week, do: attend our show. Do not stand around in your freaky beard outside the venue, grumbling about the industrial revolution because you feel technology has gone too far.
Have you planned your March 25th Woodstock trip yet?
Nice little poster for the show:
I believe the pull-quote is a bit hypothetical...but you've got to let the postermakers have their fun. Or else they get really depressed and poster output can spiral into rapid decline.
I believe the pull-quote is a bit hypothetical...but you've got to let the postermakers have their fun. Or else they get really depressed and poster output can spiral into rapid decline.
Monday is Corporate Complaint Day
Sephora: Hire more people. Done. End of negotiation on this complaint. Also up for consideration: restocking popular items.
Fed Ex: Yeah fucking right I missed two deliveries. Guess what's appropriate? Punitive actions against your own delivery people when they do not fill in or post the tracking forms. Fed Ex, let's take this Monday by the balls and really give it the old Fed Ex yank and by that I mean figure out our company. "Do we gotta pay people more?" "Do we gotta redesign our tracking form set-up, maybe go digital?" Those were sample questions for the big, imperative meeting that should happen today.
Jetblue: Frequent flier miles should be automatically applied with ticket purchase. The "add them within two weeks of completion of travel" thing is a sham. I'll forget, and I believe you know that. Also your flights aren't that cheap anymore and your seats are crazy uncomfortable. PS I'm hungry.
Unions: Where are you all at on the "panel show" front? Panel shows are not "news."
My Space: Yeah. Um. Do you ever plan on fixing up anything?
Love (the ironically named club): A forced coat-check followed by some SS officer-inspired employee running around the dancefloor with a flashlight hunting for sequestered coats is a neat way to help people to enjoy their evening. I know Monday is Complaint Day but I don't have any complaints. I salute your atmospheric instinct. The fog machine is also a great touch. Many would say it didn't make sense for a small venue but you had the moxie to make it happen tenfold.
Fed Ex: Yeah fucking right I missed two deliveries. Guess what's appropriate? Punitive actions against your own delivery people when they do not fill in or post the tracking forms. Fed Ex, let's take this Monday by the balls and really give it the old Fed Ex yank and by that I mean figure out our company. "Do we gotta pay people more?" "Do we gotta redesign our tracking form set-up, maybe go digital?" Those were sample questions for the big, imperative meeting that should happen today.
Jetblue: Frequent flier miles should be automatically applied with ticket purchase. The "add them within two weeks of completion of travel" thing is a sham. I'll forget, and I believe you know that. Also your flights aren't that cheap anymore and your seats are crazy uncomfortable. PS I'm hungry.
Unions: Where are you all at on the "panel show" front? Panel shows are not "news."
My Space: Yeah. Um. Do you ever plan on fixing up anything?
Love (the ironically named club): A forced coat-check followed by some SS officer-inspired employee running around the dancefloor with a flashlight hunting for sequestered coats is a neat way to help people to enjoy their evening. I know Monday is Complaint Day but I don't have any complaints. I salute your atmospheric instinct. The fog machine is also a great touch. Many would say it didn't make sense for a small venue but you had the moxie to make it happen tenfold.
Friday, March 3, 2006
If I were a doctor
And I hated a certain patient, right after they said something annoying, I'd suggest they "eat more apples."
Okay Gang
We made it to Friday. BUT don't congratulate yourself yet--there's still many, many week cycles to come. Hell the average lifespan of a rabbit is 8-12 years...you got a ways to go. Lots of humans are going into their 80s these days, easily.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
My New Conversational Go-To:
Some examples of what I now respond to almost anything:
Ha, I wonder what the gals on Wisteria Lane would have to say about that...
That's so Wisteria!
I totally feel like we're on Wisteria Lane right now!
Hey, it's no Wisteria Lane, but...what can you do, right?
More like...Wisteria Lame!
Ha, I wonder what the gals on Wisteria Lane would have to say about that...
That's so Wisteria!
I totally feel like we're on Wisteria Lane right now!
Hey, it's no Wisteria Lane, but...what can you do, right?
More like...Wisteria Lame!
Gorgeous out there
Another gorgeous day in New York City!
I made the right choice to move here from California, I made the right choice to move here from California, I made the right choice to move here from California...
I made the right choice to move here from California, I made the right choice to move here from California, I made the right choice to move here from California...
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