My wife is an amazing woman who gives me unparalleled happiness... she just doesn't really care about baseball.She loves that I love it and gets happy when I get happy... but she doesn't give a cr-p about the games.
But she has an uncanny way of picking winners.
In 2006, I picked every single playoff series WRONG, and she got them all right.
She uses a different criteria than I use.
I examine stats, match ups and past history.
She picked the Cardinals to win the 2006 World Series because Tony LaRussa helps puppies and Jim Leyland smokes.
She was right.
So I tried to get her take on the 2009 playoffs.
ME: Who do you think is winning the Red Sox and Angels series?
WIFE: I need to know more about it.
ME: Well, the Red Sox beat them last year and the year before that... and in 2004... and in 1986. They seem to have the Angels number.
WIFE: Then the Angels are winning. It makes sense. Reverse psychology.
ME: How about the Yankees and Twins? The Yankees have the star players but also sky high expectations. The Twins are the underdogs with nothing to lose, but they just played a crazy extra inning game yesterday and have to fly to New York today.
WIFE: What airline?
ME: I don't know.
WIFE: It all depends on the airline. If the Twins fly on Virgin Atlantic, they'll be in good shape. Any other airline, they'll be too cranky.
ME: How about the Cardinals and Dodgers. The Cardinals have the star pitchers and Pujols in the line up.
WIFE: I saw Pujols on Paula Deen's show.
ME: Yeah. Well, he has Holliday batting behind him. Meanwhile the Dodgers starting pitching-
(Wife waves her hand.)
WIFE: I don't care about that. Where are they playing the game?
ME: Here. In Los Angeles.
WIFE: What time is the game?
ME: 6:30.
WIFE: Forget it. The Dodgers are losing.
ME: Why?
WIFE: All of that traffic! They'll never win.
ME: OK, last one. Phillies and Rockies... the last two NL Pennant winners. The Phillies have the bats but questions in their bullpen. The Rockies have momentum but can't rely on Jorge De La Rosa nor Jason Marquis.
WIFE: Come on. Give me something to work with. Who are the big Poo Bahs on each team?
ME: Well the Rockies have Todd Helton who has been with the team forever. And Ryan Howard is the big star of the Phillies.
WIFE: Didn't you know a guy named Todd who cheated on his wife?
ME: Yeah.
WIFE: That guy on the Rockies name is too similar. I don't like him. And I like Ron Howard.
ME: You mean Ryan Howard.
WIFE: It sounds like Ron Howard. I like Ron Howard. He was Richie Cunningham and he makes good movies. I'm picking the Phillies.
So let's review...
The Angels are winning because they are expected to lose.
The Yankees are winning unless the Twins flew Virgin Atlantic.
The Cardinals are winning because of LA traffic.
The Phillies are winning because Ryan Howard's name sounds kind of like the director of A Beautiful Mind and Todd Helton's name sounds like a guy I knew who left his wife.
And those are sound reasons to pick a team if I have ever heard any!
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