Lazy Tuesday

Today is Lazy Tuesday!

In honor:

*Don't pay outstanding bills.
*Do not put together a Halloween costume.
*Don't exercise.
*Don't answer your mobile device.
*Sweatpants.
*Cupcake.
*No makeup.
*No lotion..dry skin.

Your motto for today: "Eh, skip it."

As my high school English teacher used to write on papers in red pen: AVANTI!

Chris Isaak

When I went to visit my brother in college one year he convinced me to like Chris Isaak. I was reticent to say the least (3rd def).

But we drove around listening to his CD and my brother was like: "He's funny. Listen to him, he's funny." I said WELL WAX OFF MR MIYAGI BECAUSE I THINK YOU HAVE A POINT! And then we shared a deep and genuine laugh together over every lyric and every wail.

Anyhow, now I do really love Chris Isaak. His songs are funny and great to indulge in over chocolate cakes. I eat a choc cake per song, that's how I treat myself when I need a few days off.

Only just tonight, when ambling around the internet with my long, imaginary legs, I enjoyed Mr. Isaak's commentary on his "Wicked Game" music video (if you remember, this video was on par with Janet Jackson's beach video for classy black-and-white hotness).

I feel his commentary confirms our belief that he is funny (and that it's a with-him-rather-than-at-him funny).

I don't know why I feel like I'm fighting you or who "you" are...but think it over.

Hahaha

So, the Time Out roundtable discussion was filmed.

Check out this video--it's like television's 24!!! The music is genius. As is the shot of the formidable wooden doors slooooowly opening into the room where we're all seated...AT THE ROUND TABLE!

Hahaha. Our water glasses.

Whew.

...

And the segment linked above is "Part 1 of 3."

ENJOY!

Time Out NY, Humor Issue

On Stands / Online Now


Roundtable discussion with Anne Harris, Ted Alexandro, Mike Britt, Paul Scheer, and the very funny Gilbert Gottfried at the Friars Club.

Park Slope, T-shirt idea:

FUCK THE CO-OP

It gets conversations going.

The Texting News

When someone texts you an invite, you can now just write back: "No." That's finally okay to do.

In other texting news...did you hear about the new game sweeping our country? It's called "WHAT'S UP, TEAM?"

Here's how to play "WHAT'S UP, TEAM?" :

You get a group of friends out to eat or whatnot--hanging out. You all pull out your phones and individually locate a name/num of someone you barely ever talk to but who for some reason remains in your cellphone. You each text your selected acquaintence the phrase: "What's up, team?" The texter who gets the first response gets a lot of heat. Then they share the response with the table. Other responses are shared throughout the meal as they roll in, and compared for greatness. Expect a lot of variations on "Who is this?" (these will be surprisingly satisfying).

Modifications:
*Other agreed-upon phrases can be used (in first or subsequent rounds).
*The texting of multiple parties is allowed.

You are sitting there, dubious, or: "fraught with uncertainty or doubt." Reject that part of yourself and cling to your eagerness and optimism. This is a game you will enjoy. Lock it away in your memory and bring it out at the right time. Let me know how it goes.

This has been the texting news.

VH1 Wendy Williams

TONIGHT: "The Wendy Williams Experience" premieres at 11:30pm

Updated

Media page

Sunday night, next Tuesday night

Sunday, Oct 22nd

Asssscat @ Upright Citizens Brigade
307 W. 26th St.
9:30pm


Tuesday, Oct 24th

LVHRD: Fashion Duel 3
9pm to 11

Village Voice

Link

Sometimes you're just surfing around the internet

And you find something that really, really grabs you. And you cannot take your eyes off that thing for a few seconds of pure mirth.


Comedian Dan Newbower

Anyone heard the new Sleepys song on the radio? Radio equivalent.

Women aren't really pretty in reality!!

Thanks NN

I've outdone myself

What a thoughtful list.

Made a good meal recently?

J's Meal:

goat cheese, smoked provolone with biscuits, on a wooden tray with very ripe persimmons

rice made in homemade chicken broth

black beans with garlic and salt

blanched spinach and chard with sesame seeds (gomazio seeds, the japanese kind) and lemon

stir fried fennel, carrot, red onion, and peperoncino, almost raw

baked squash in olive oil and garlic

hard boiled farm egg (with bright orange yolk), sliced in little rounds, with salt and pepper (such a nice, unexpected compliment)

red wine/ filtered water

for dessert, persimmons and mint tea

Adam Wade, King of Hoboken

You may have watched my visit to Hoboken to visit Adam Wade and try the Italian Tuna sandwich from Fiores. (Sidenote: number one question people ask me about it is "Is it really good?" Do you think I would fake it? Do you think I would fake like it was hellof good for the sake of UTube? I don't get it.)



Anyhow, apparently Wade has secretly fucking FRANCHISED this whole puttering around Hoboken DIY video thing. And left me in the dust (in spite of our plans to return to Fiore's for the roast beef and mozz sandwich which I admittedly did not follow through on). He even has a fancy produced open!

Anyhow, I must say I love his vids in Hoboken. You know when you've found your "thing." This is his:

Hanging Out with Wade in Hoboken Episode 1

Hanging Out with Wade in Hoboken Episode 2

Hanging Out with Wade in Hoboken Episode 3

Hanging Out with Wade in Hoboken Episode 4

Hanging Out with Wade in Hoboken Episode 5

Playgirl and Peretti

ATTN: GAYLORDS

CHECK FOR MY NOVEMBER COVER PIECE:


Back to School issue:
Wrote about a kindly cowboy I once met. His thighs approximated above.


-------------------------------
BACK ISSUES:
Other instances of Peretti in Playgirl...
-------------------------------


Man of the Year issue:
Nominated myself for "Man of the Year" due to my dating style at the time. AT THE TIME!


Humor issue:
Variety Shac comments on photos.

Park Slope: So Far, So Good!

(Not pictured: 5 babies, nanny, wedge of distraction/distance)

OOo!!! It's secret ingredient time!

You are never going to cook the same again.







Smoked salt.

New Shac Short: THE COUNTRY HOUSE

Up now!

I like to eat dinner

Dinner makes me glow.

Typical New York Scene:

Good Morning, Friend

It is looking to be another gorgeous day here in cab country!

Spend your time wisely. For time is fleeting. And then, consider if you will, attending our show this evening when darkness rolls around, enveloping this foul city in her somber embrace.

VARIETY SHAC
Shonali Bhowmik
Heather Lawless
Andrea Rosen
Chelsea Peretti

With:
Kristen Schaal
Zach Galafianakis
Scott Bondy

And our new short film...

Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St., in the back room
8:30pm
$5

Cereal recommendation

This is truly the best. It's pretty healthy, right?

CELEBRATING BARRY BONDS

Barry Bonds doubled yesterday and got a nice hand from the crowd at AT&T park in San Francisco.

That very well could have been his last at bat in a Giants uniform... maybe his last game at all.

And while the standing o was nice, isn't it odd that more wasn't made of it.

Oh I know... BALCO.
And steroids.
And all these horrible things that he probably did.

And oh yeah, he was a bad guy.

And was greedy, leaving the Pirates for the biggest contract (at the time) in baseball history.

"He is a disgrace to baseball" I hear people say.
"Good riddance" I even hear some Giants fans say.

Good riddance? Imagine what would have happened to the Giants had he not arrived.

Lest we forget, in 1992 the Giants were an aging and irrelevant team not only in baseball but in the Bay Area. The 49ers were still a force and the A's still good.

The Giants were playing in windy, ugly, hard to get to, impossible to sit in Candlestick Park (or 3 Com, or Monster or whatever they were calling it.)

The Giants wanted to build a downtown ballpark and with the team in 1989 World Series, it seemed like it was going to be built... until the quake hit before Game 3 of the series and spending money on a ballpark seemed unseemly.

How quickly people forget that the Giants were so close to moving from San Francisco to Tampa Bay that people were printing out "Tampa Bay Giants" shirts and having "Welcome the Giants" rallys in St. Pete.

(Isn't it funny how Tampa Bay always was the bargaining chip teams used for a new ballpark? Give us what we want or we'll move to Tampa! And now we know Tampa has the worst stadium and is the worst baseball market in the country... how lucky for the Giants, White Sox, Rangers, Expos and Twins that they didn't follow through on their threats!)

New ownership came to the Giants and they brought in Bonds... then lean, quick and an all around player.

The Giants instantly became relevant again, winning 103 games, missing the playoffs by a game to the Braves. Why the ATLANTA Braves played in the WEST will always be a mystery to me. This geographical anomaly was corrected a year too late when the divisions realigned in 1994.

But Barry had arrived, along with his homers, his swagger, his "I don't care what you think about me" attitude and the Giants were THE team in the Bay Area.

The Giants were in the playoffs in 1997, forced a one game playoff in 1998, made the playoffs in 2000, missed by 2 games in 2001, won the NL pennant in 2002, won the NL West in 2003 and contended until the last weekend in 2004.

And with Barry leading the way, the Giants built a new stadium, with private money off China Basin in San Francisco.


Bonds is responsible for keeping the Giants in San Francisco and more than a decade of excitement when they could have easily become the Royals of the National League.




"Yeah, but what about the steroids?"

Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield keep getting standing ovations in New York... and believe me, if Rafael Palmeiro would be too if his production hadn't dropped off.

We'll never know who was using what during this era, and we'll never know how many of the pitches Bonds deposited into the Bay were from juiced pitchers.

And look carefully at the teams that won during the "Steroid Era." Look to see how many of them had players whose offensive statistics spiked dramatically between 1995 and 2002. Should some of those teams return their titles?

I want Giambi's two home runs off of Pedro Martinez in game 7 of the 2003 ALCS back.



"What about how he destroyed the integrity of baseball?"

First of all, there will always be conflicts in the integrity of baseball...
Lest we forget segregation, which in a way should put a giant asterix next to any record set before 1947.

Or what games, besides the 1919 World Series, were compromised because of gambling?

Or what teams could have been contenders if not for collusion in the 1980s?

Or which Cincinnati teams could have made the playoffs if Pete Rose weren't betting between 1985 and 1989?

Bonds is a product of the era, not the cause.




"Yeah, but he seems like a jerk!"

When will any of us hang out with ball players? Seriously, who cares if he has a Barka lounger in his locker room?

Besides, if Bonds has a mistress for a long time, then he is a horrible person.
But Kirby Puckett, whose wife needed to call the police, was a heartwarming ambassador to the game.

We NEED jerks in baseball to celebrate and root for or against.
Whether it is a cocky Larry Bird, a flamboyant Reggie Jackson or an out of his mind Terrell Owens.




"He is a disgrace."

A biggest disgrace than the Tampa Bay Giants?

Keep in mind, Detroit has a statue of Ty Cobb in front of their new ballpark.
If there is a bigger disgrace in baseball history, then I haven't heard of him


He saved a franchise and built a stadium.
He made a team relevant again.

Whether he was a jerk or a cheat, he deserves a little recognition for that.

I am reminded of the scene in The Godfather Part II when Hyman Roth tells Michael about Moe Greene and how he built Las Vegas.

"And there is not even a statue or a plaque that bears his name there."

McCovey Cove? Hell Wille never played there.
That's Barry's Bay!

I'll applaud him, even if it isn't the popular thing to do.