I always start with a quick old skool rap.
I always ask the guy on lights to do some really specific type of lighting on the underside of my cheeks and nose. I need it "just so." We'll sometimes have to tech that for hour after lonely hour. Well, I'm sure he gets lonely, but for me this is my biggest social moment of the day.
Then I read my Audience Contract aloud to the audience. I drone it because it's long. Before I'll perform a single joke for any live entity, I request they sign this extensive contract. Much of it has to do with Laughter Requirements and Body Language Policys (henceforth known as "BLPs").
Then they sign a smaller, less comprehensive contract which is still completely binding. Don't be fooled by the smallness of it, it's still a completely fucked up contract. Oldest trick in the book: small font, small contract. "Oh, won't you sign this weency beency wittle contwact? It's ever so smawwllll...no harm in signing..." SLAM! You're locked in a virtual prison for dozens of years. As an audience, you have GOT to be careful.
AND THEN IT'S GO-TIME.
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