What in the name of Steve Lombardozzi is going on in Minnesota?

Seriously, I get a little let down. But this is no longer THAT early in the season. They can’t hold a 5 run lead against the Angels? It is Memorial Day weekend and they are the worst team in baseball?

The same team that had home field advantage in the Division Series last year is thinking Draft Pick this year?

Even with the Indians having a little dip with their 3 game losing streak, the Twins can’t make up any ground. They are 15 games back in the loss column. That’s more than 2 weeks of games.

Seriously, if I flipped the AL Central standing upside down, you would think it was the pre season predictions!

If I said Twins in first, White Sox in second, Royals in third, Tigers in fourth and Cleveland in the cellar, the only thing that would have raised an eyebrow was putting KC in the #3 spot.

Seriously, a few more weeks of this and the Twins might have to start dealing some of their players.

I wonder if they could trade Carl Pavano back to the Yankees.

Raise your hand if you thought the Sox game was over in the first

Seriously, when it was 3-0 before the Sox even came to bat, I was all ready to write a post about why the Dice-K era might be winding down.

But Carl Pavano said "I'll see your meltdown and raise you" birthday boy Adrian Gonzalez launched one out that would have been a harmless flyball in Petco and the Sox pulled one out.

You take them when you can get them.
Let's update the tally.

DODGED BULLET GAMES - 7

April 8 - 9-6 win against the Yankees. (The Sox end their 6 game losing streak with a slugfest. John Lackey stinks but Phil Hughes stinks even more.)
April 10 - 4-0 win against the Yankees. (Beckett and Sabathia duel in a game that was 1-0 until the late innings.)
April 20 - 5-3 win in Oakland. (Red Sox survive a lead off homer and two bases loaded situations and facing the tying run at the plate to win their first road game.)
April 21 - 4-2 win in Anaheim. (The Red Sox stranded 15 men on base and Josh Beckett's went 8 strong with no decision. But the Sox rallied in the 11th to win.)
April 22 - 4-3 win in Anaheim. (Peter Bourjos makes a 2 run errors and the Red Sox survive a bizarre passed ball by Jarrod Saltalamacchia that let a run scored from second.)
May 1 - 3-2 win against the Mariners. (Ichiro loses a ball in the sun that turns into a 9th inning triple for Lowrie. Crawford singles him home for the win.)
May 8 - 9-5 win against the Twins. (Dice-K lets up 3 runs in the first but settles down as the Red Sox clobber Carl Pavano.)

TEETH GRINDER GAMES - 11

April 1 - 9-5 loss in Texas. (The Sox tie Opening Day in the 8th with an Ortiz homer only to have Bard implode and the Sox let up 4 in the bottom of the 8th.)

April 5 - 3-1 loss in Cleveland. (The Sox drop their 4th straight as the bats are dead in Cleveland.)
April 7 - 1-0 loss in Cleveland. (Sox blow a great Lester performance on a squeeze bunt and Darnell McDonald overrunning the bag to end the game.)
April 12 - 3-2 loss to Tampa Bay. (A solid Lester performance is wasted as Kyle Farnsworth of all people shuts down the Sox.)
April 15 - 7-6 loss to Toronto. (Bobby Jenks implodes with a 4 run seventh inning as the Red Sox waste Pedroia and Youkilis homers and a clutch RBI double by Scuatro.
April 19 - 5-0 loss in Oakland. (Pedroia gets picke doff, the Sox bats go dead and waste a solid Lackey start.)
April 26 - 4-1 loss in Baltimore. (Buchholz pitches tentatively and the Sox let Kevin Gregg of all people to close out the 9th.)
April 27 - 5-4 loss in Baltimore. (The Sox tie the game with a 3 run 8th only to have Bard lose it in the bottom of the 8th.)
April 29 - 5-4 loss to Mariners. (Bobby Jenks blows a 7th inning lead, wasting 2 Mike Cameron homers.)
April 30 - 2-0 loss to Mariners. (The Sox strand 11 runnerss and let Milton Bradley double home the go ahead run.)
May 4 - 5-3 loss to Angels. (7 hours with rain delays and stranded runners. Marco Scutaro was thrown out at the plate in the 12th)

-4

Beckett goes tomorrow to get the win he SHOULD have had if the Red Sox didn't have that never ending rain delay last week.

Pavano's second pay day

He did it... Carl Pavano did it.
He got one big huge gigantic contract for more money than you and I will ever see with the $39 million heist from the Yankees.

And, after being declared dead from the neck up, got his act together and signed for another $16 million.

I wrote about it earlier, but Carl Pavano is indeed living the American dream.

OK, can he pull it off again.
Come back here in 2013 and let's see if he gets a THIRD big contract.

It's good to be Carl Pavano.

The Yankees courted Carl Pavano? I am speechless

No... that isn't a headline from The Onion.
The Yankees actually considered bringing back Carl Pavano. Even typing that sentence made me laugh.

This off season for the Yankees, which is been bizarre at best and disastrous at worst, almost entered the realm of the unthinkable.

Imagine me saying this to a Yankee fan right after their team lost the 2010 ALCS:

You aren't going to get Cliff Lee...
nor Carl Crawford...
nor Zack Grienke...
you will bring back Derek Jeter but he will feel alienated...
you will bring back Mariano Rivera but only after HE called the Red Sox...
Andy Pettitte isn't signed...
the one big pick up is Rafael Soriano who has had 2 elbow surgeries in the last 5 seasons and is a fly ball pitcher in a home run park...
BUT the good news is they might bring back Carl Pavano.

You might start making a noose.


Brian Cashman might have made a move that even the offices of Bialystock and Bloom would consider to be too self destructive.

Carl Pavano, the man who took Ed Whitson off the hook for most disastrous Yankee free agent signing in George Steinbrenner's lifetime... the man who was openly mocked by not only the fans and media but HIS OWN TEAMMATES!... was on the Yankees radar.

And for $10 million?
Seriously?

I don't care if it was for $10 a year for the next million years, that is insane. Did they learn NOTHING from the Javier Vazquez fiasco?

Last season I jokingly egged on Carl Pavano's agent to call the Yankees and see if they were interested in having him come back.

In my tongue in cheek scenario, I had Brian Cashman hanging up the phone before Pavano's agent was done with the pitch. Little did I know that reality would be so much MORE absurd!

Lisa Swan at Subway Squawkers as usual hit it on the head by saying this has to do with Cashman "who so apparently so wants to prove that Pavano wasn't the worst free agent the Yankees ever signed that he's willing to sign him again."

This is insane.
What's next?
Are the Chargers going to reacquire Ryan Leaf?
Is NBC going to return Leno to 10PM?
Will Garth Brooks record another Chris Gaines album?
Battlefield Earth 2?
How about the Knicks keeping Isiah Thomas on the payroll?

Wait, that last one is real?

OK. That's messed up.

Welcome to Texas, Adrian...

And we at the Rangers look forward to that one year you have when this contract expires that you will actually put up MVP caliber numbers and get your THIRD huge contract.

OK, that's not totally fair. Adrian Beltre will probably fare well in a hitters ballpark and will play well for the Rangers. But am I the only one who thinks they could have used that money to keep Vlad Guerrero, keep Michael Young at third instead of moving him AGAIN, and sign Rafael Soriano to solidify the bullpen and move Neftali Feliz to the rotation?

The problem in Texas never seems to be "not enough offense."
Granted, he will bring a great glove to Arlington and he was terrific for Boston his one year in Fenway.

But there is also the Carl Pavano effect.
Pavano has had two very good years in 13 seasons and will parlay that into over $70 million when it is all said and done.

Beltre? He too has had two elite seasons in 13 years.
He will parlay that into over $180 million when this latest contract is up.

Better swing a good bat, Adrian.
You can get a third big deal if you time it right.

Carl Pavano and the American Dream

Has there ever been a player in baseball history with better timing than Carl Pavano? It’s staggering if you think about it from a certain point of view.

If I turned the clock back just two years and mentioned Carl Pavano’s name, it would be a baseball punchline.

He was the $39.95 million bust with the Yankees… the guy who pitched 9 games total in his last three years with the Yankees… the guy who the press dubbed “American Idle” because he didn’t seem to be in a rush to come back from injury… the guy who Jeter and Mussina openly mocked… the guy who didn’t tell the Yankees that he had an injury from a car accident.

He was a washed up bust who collected tens of millions of dollars while not even going to work.

His career was over and he was a disgrace.

Now look at him.

After reviving his career with the Indians and the Twins, he is currently the biggest pitching free agent NOT named Cliff Lee.

And if he waits until Cliff Lee signs, then he will be able to have a feeding frenzy from the other teams that need a starter.

He could EASILY command $10 million over 3 years… maybe even 4 years… based upon the market.

Now there is something very startling when you take a look at his stats. He has had two very good years in his 13 years in the bigs and a bunch of either mediocre or bad seasons.

He had a great season in 2004, his last with Florida. And he had a terrific season last year with Minnesota.

And he will probably parlay those two good seasons into two contracts of $30 million or more. He managed to time his first foray into free agency in 2004 when the Yankees and Red Sox were at the peak of their “take no prisoners” off seasons.

And Pavano, a New England native with Yankee fan parents, was one of the many prizes of free agent market. Both teams coveted him. The Yankees out bid the Sox and if Pavano ever has great grandchildren, their college tuition is already paid for.

And now a free agent again will have his value inflated by teams that need some consolation for not getting Cliff Lee.

(How awesome would it be if he rejoins the Yankees?)

So how about THIS for the American dream?

Carl Pavano got to play big league baseball.
He got to be an All Star.
He got to pitch in the World Series and win a ring with the 2003 Marlins.
He will earn more than $60 million playing baseball.

And for three of those years he sat home, didn’t go to work and deposit millions of dollars in the bank.

Isn’t that what most Americans want?
Work for a quick spurt and watch the money come in!

And Pavano adds two other twists to the whole dream life he is living.

He could have gone on a spending spree that would put Tony Montana, Montgomery Brewster and Navin Johnson to shame. He could have spent all $39 million of his contract and guess what? It’s being replenished!

It is safe to say that there will be a quality party at the Pavano home this off season.

And of yeah one other element to his American dream. He was involved with Alyssa Milano.

You may hate him, Yankee fans… but you’d trade lives with him in a heart beat.

Cue up “God Bless America.”

Can Yankee fans read this headline without vomiting?

Carl Pavano?
Leadership?

The man dubbed as "American Idle" by the New York press.

The man who signed arguably the worst contract in the history of the New York Yankees.

I guess for a Yankee fan, a more likely headline would be ...

SYNAGOGUE VOTES MEL GIBSON AS MAN OF THE YEAR

or

PETA HIRES SARAH PALIN AS SPOKESWOMAN

or

MICHAEL AND DINA LOHAN WIN PARENTS OF THE YEAR

Just goes to show you, some people are built for New York and others aren't.

Thanks to Subway Squawker Lisa Swan for pointing this out.

Can Yankee fans read this headline without vomiting?

Carl Pavano?
Leadership?

The man dubbed as "American Idle" by the New York press.

The man who signed arguably the worst contract in the history of the New York Yankees.

I guess for a Yankee fan, a more likely headline would be ...

SYNAGOGUE VOTES MEL GIBSON AS MAN OF THE YEAR

or

PETA HIRES SARAH PALIN AS SPOKESWOMAN

or

MICHAEL AND DINA LOHAN WIN PARENTS OF THE YEAR

Just goes to show you, some people are built for New York and others aren't.

Thanks to Subway Squawker Lisa Swan for pointing this out.

I hope Carl Pavano's agent has a pair

Carl Pavano pitched a terrific game today against his former team, the Indians. He went 7 strong innings letting up only 2 earned runs. Along the way he won his 14th game (tied for most in the AL), lowered his ERA to a respectable 3.28 and his 1.08 WHIP is third in the league.

He is also in the top 5 in innings pitched and complete games.

And did tonight sporting a porn stache and wearing the uniform of the old Negro League St. Paul Black Gophers.

Carl Pavano will probably get a few points in the Cy Young vote this year.

And guess what? He's a free agent after this year.

Now I am not sure who his agent is right now. (Evidently he's changed representation a few times over the last few years.) But I remember one of his agents called him a 1 or 2 starter good for 200 innings a year as he was wrapping up his Yankee tenure where he made nine starts total over the final three years of the contract.

Well whoever is making calls for him now, I hope he has the stones to call the Yankees for a new contract after Pavano became the poster child for ill conceived gluttony by Steibrenner.

How amazing would that call to Brian Cashman be?

"I got a guy... he's a Cy Young caliber guy. He's a World Series winner. He's one of the top winners in the league and a HORSE. He's a perfect fit for the Yankees."

"Who is it?"

"Carl Pavano... hello?... HELLO?... I think we got cut off."

Getting TWO obscene contracts from the Yankees would have to be the agent's legacy.

How would it be any less likely than the Yankees trading to get BACK Javier Vazquez?

I hope Carl Pavano's agent has a pair

Carl Pavano pitched a terrific game today against his former team, the Indians. He went 7 strong innings letting up only 2 earned runs. Along the way he won his 14th game (tied for most in the AL), lowered his ERA to a respectable 3.28 and his 1.08 WHIP is third in the league.

He is also in the top 5 in innings pitched and complete games.

And did tonight sporting a porn stache and wearing the uniform of the old Negro League St. Paul Black Gophers.

Carl Pavano will probably get a few points in the Cy Young vote this year.

And guess what? He's a free agent after this year.

Now I am not sure who his agent is right now. (Evidently he's changed representation a few times over the last few years.) But I remember one of his agents called him a 1 or 2 starter good for 200 innings a year as he was wrapping up his Yankee tenure where he made nine starts total over the final three years of the contract.

Well whoever is making calls for him now, I hope he has the stones to call the Yankees for a new contract after Pavano became the poster child for ill conceived gluttony by Steibrenner.

How amazing would that call to Brian Cashman be?

"I got a guy... he's a Cy Young caliber guy. He's a World Series winner. He's one of the top winners in the league and a HORSE. He's a perfect fit for the Yankees."

"Who is it?"

"Carl Pavano... hello?... HELLO?... I think we got cut off."

Getting TWO obscene contracts from the Yankees would have to be the agent's legacy.

How would it be any less likely than the Yankees trading to get BACK Javier Vazquez?

Strange scenario that will never happen but fun to think about

OK, let's say the Twins win the Division and face the Yankees in the playoffs.

That would mean the Twins would start Carl Pavano against New York. 

How awesome would it be if Pavano stops the Yankees?

It won't happen, but isn't that worth asking a genie for?

Maybe the Yankees would offer him a 4 year contract afterwards.

Wait... Carl Pavano beat us?

Did you know it's the same guy that stole millions of dollars from the Yankees and the poster child for terrible contracts?

And he beat the Red Sox.

I can't put this under the teeth grinder column... but this is NOT how I wanted to build momentum after the Yankees sweep.

Maybe if he pitches this well, he can sign a big contract with the Yankees in the off season.

Wakefield on Thursday... let's see if he can continue being the ace.

The Pros and Cons about being Carl Pavano

The Good Things About Being Carl Pavano:

- You get to, at least for the time being, show up to work as a Major League Baseball player.

- You have won a World Series ring. And that 2003 ring with the Marlins was earned with an 8 inning 1 run performance in the Game 4 win.

- You were once traded for Pedro Martinez.

- You had the good timing of having your best season before your free agency walk season. (That's some coincidence!) 18-8 and a 3.00 ERA in 2004.

- You also timed your free agency when the Yankees and Red Sox were coming off of back to back classic ALCS match ups and were trying to one up each other. You cashed that into a 4 year $39.95 million deal with the Yankees.

- Your most recent agent has huge stones calling you a "1-2 starter" and a 200 innings guy.

- You have had sex with Alyssa Milano.

The Bad Things About Being Carl Pavano:

- That trade involving Pedro Martinez is considered to be one of the most lop sided deals in history... and not because you were so good.

- Not only were you in one of the most lopsided trades ever, but your contract with the Yankees was considered to be so bad that it is on the shortlist for worst free agent signings ever.

- You were so hated in New York that the Yankees made no attempt to mask their contempt for you. Joe Torre trashing you in his book wasn't even remotely surprising.

- Between June 27, 2005 and August 23, 2008, you threw 11 1/3 innings for the Yankees while cashing over $27 million in checks over that period of time. His agent calls him a 200 inning guy? Over how many seasons?

- Your agent might have some serious onions to call you a #1 starter... but he wasn't good enough to squeeze the last $50,000 out of the contract to make it an even $40 million.

- You might not be cashing many more big league checks. Your first outing for Cleveland today was a 1+ inning, 9 run, 2 homer horror show. 

- Alyssa Milano implied you were not well endowed. (You probably had to go on the DL with her too!)

THE VERDICT

IT'S GOOD TO BE CARL PAVANO

The good outweighs the bad...

Besides, isn't making millions of dollars a year while not working kind of the American dream?

That and shacking up with Alyssa Milano

Cliff Lee's name will be said by more agents than you can imagine this winter

Cliff Lee won a landslide victory over Roy Halladay for the Cy Young Award.

It's a great story... the guy was a solid pitcher who was so bad in 2007 that he was sent back to the minors.
He missed out of the Indians ALCS run last year and was barely given a mention from people picking Cleveland in 2008.

And out he came with a 22-3 record and a 2.54 ERA and walks home with some hardware.
(Seriously, if you had told me that Cliff Lee was going to be the Cy Young Award Winner, I would have assumed the Indians won the Division by 21 games, not have to struggle to a .500 record.)

Well that's the good news for Cliff.

The bad news is there are a lot of pitchers coming off of bad seasons... and their agents are going to be singing Cliff Lee's story to every team.

"Why should we sign Glendon Rusch to a 3 year, $27 million conract?"
"He's the next Cliff Lee!"

And chances are there will be a few clubs stupid enough to sign the Kris Bensons, Mike Hamptons and Carl Pavanos of the world thinking they have the next Cliff Lee on their hands.

What I am saying is... Kris, Mike, and Carl...

WELCOME TO THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS!!!!

Carl Pavano is starting? Are you serious?

People named Carl more likely to start a game for the Yankees in 2008 than Carl Pavano:



Carl Weathers aka Apollo Creed
The Late Carl Sagan
Beach Boy Carl Wilson
Psychiatrist Carl Jung
Poet Carl Sandburg
NASCAR Driver Carl Edwards
Carl XVI Gustaf, King of Sweden
Olympic Hero Carl Lewis
Carl, the dude who lives next to Aqua Teen Hunger Force
The guy running the shake machine at Carl’s Jr.

Payroll Insanity

Hey Marlins… you had the opportunity to keep alive the ultimate Big Market/Small Market scenario.

The Marlins lost a couple of games to the lowly Giants in the bottom of the 9th and are slipping out of the realistic playoff picture.

Keep that in mind as I map this out:

The White Sox currently have a better winning percentage than the Red Sox.
The Red Sox lead over the Twins is only _ a game and they are tied in the loss column.
And the Red Sox have 60% of their rotation as a question mark with Beckett’s hand injury, Buccholz stinking and Paul Byrd without his injectable God.

The Rays are pulling away, the Yankees are dead as are the Tigers.

It is possible that the Red Sox, Yankees and Tigers… the three biggest payrolls in the AL, would all miss the playoffs.

Meanwhile the Rays with the smallest payroll would be in.
And the Twins, the team that was almost contracted and had to shed contracts last winter, might be in too.

And yet there are still some people who say baseball needs a salary cap to stay competitive.

Which brings us back to the Marlins.
If the Marlins won those games they’d still be in the hunt…
And with the Phillies pitching and hitting woes and the Mets bullpen in disarray, winning the division would have been in sight.

If that happened, then the Mets, the team with the highest payroll in the NL would be out and the Marlins, the smallest payroll in baseball, would be in.

What I am saying is… it’s not how much money you spend. It’s how you spend it.

Case in point… the Marlins let go of Carl Pavano and the Yankees signed him.
Which team was the smart one?