Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Discussing the baseball schedule with my wife over toast
(Sully and his wife are sitting at their table for breakfast. Sully’s wife is eating a piece of toast.)
SULLY’S WIFE:
How late did you stay up watching that game last night?
SULLY:
11:45. Remember it was 2:45 AM in Boston and raining when the game ended. And they are playing another game in just a few hours!
SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean they are playing another game? With who?
SULLY:
With the Angels.
SULLY’S WIFE:
I thought they just played the Angels.
SULLY:
They play 3 game series.
SULLY’S WIFE:
How is it in basketball?
SULLY:
Basketball you play one game. Then there’s usually an off day and they play another team.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t baseball do that?
SULLY:
But in baseball, sometimes they play 6 games a week. The travel costs alone would be prohibitive.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t they have a travel day in baseball?
SULLY:
They play 162 games! They’d have to start the season in January. That’s the schedule!
SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean? That doesn’t have to be the schedule. The other sports seem to get along just fine. And by the way, when I am done eating this piece of toast, I am done having this conversation.
SULLY:
I think the physical toll of a basketball game or hockey game is much greater. I mean in a football game, you can risk your career every play.
SULLY’S WIFE:
So basically you are saying baseball is such a lazy sport that they can play more games because they are out of shape idiots.
SULLY:
No. It’s not that they are out of shape idiots. Baseball is more cerebral.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What is this, chess? What do chess players do? How many travel days do THEY need?
SULLY:
You’re not being fair.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What about spelling bees? Do they need an extra travel day?
SULLY:
A pitcher can’t throw every day. His arm will snap off.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Doesn’t he only throw a few rounds before the next guy comes in?
SULLY:
Innings.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Whatever.
SULLY:
Ideally your starting pitcher will go 7 or 8 innings.
SULLY’S WIFE:
They should do it evenly. 3-3-3.
SULLY:
I’ve actually thought that’s what they should do.
SULLY’S WIFE:
See? I don’t even know what I am talking about and already I have a good idea.
SULLY:
I know everything about baseball and you’ve thought of it and you know…
SULLY’S WIFE:
Nothing.
SULLY:
Very little.
SULLY’S WIFE:
I know as little as I possibly can by choice.
SULLY:
Yet we’ve both thought of the same thing and that is if you have a bunch of pitchers who can only go 2 or 3 innings before they need help, why not have one pitcher throw the first 3, the next one throw the next 3 and a third one throw the last 3? You’d have to have like 40 pitchers on the roster. You are only allowed 25 players all together on your roster.
SULLY’S WIFE:
The more the merrier.
SULLY:
Back on topic.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Here’s my thing. The less I actually pay attention to what you are saying, the better I do.
SULLY:
That seems to be the case in life. You’re only half listening to me.
SULLY’S WIFE:
When I pay attention, things fall apart,
SULLY’S WIFE:
How many games do they play in football?
SULLY:
It’s once a week. They play 16 games.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Perfect! That’s what baseball should do.
SULLY:
If they only play 16 games, it would be better for you because instead of me watching a baseball game a night, then I would only be watching it one night.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Right.
SULLY:
What you are not taking into account is this. If I am only watching one game, then I would be more intense. And that day of playing tends to be Sunday when we try to do things as a family. And all that week I’d be building up for the one game
SULLY’S WIFE:
But there would be less for you to talk about.
SULLY:
You have no idea how much people yap about that one football game a week. In baseball it is BOOM! Here’s a game. BOOM! Here’s another game. But in football, the talk on Monday is “Can’t wait for the Miami game.” Tuesday is “Get ready for the Miami game” and by Wednesday I’m thinking “Enough! Just play the Miami game!” but it is still 4 days away.
SULLY’S WIFE:
But it could be like The Good Wife. I look forward to watching it every week. But if it was on every night, it would be The Boring Wife. It’s perfect. Once a week on the DVR. And YOU can DVR the games. You don’t even have to watch the game live.
SULLY:
But if I am watching the game on DVR I’m missing the next game.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What next game?
SULLY:
The other game.
SULLY’S WIFE:
There’s another game?
SULLY:
The game that’s going on while I’m watching the game from the night before!
SULLY’S WIFE:
You only need to play one game a week!
SULLY:
Then you’d only need one pitcher.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Didn’t we establish you needed 3 pitchers now?
SULLY:
But if you are playing one game a week, you can just throw your best
How late did you stay up watching that game last night?
SULLY:
11:45. Remember it was 2:45 AM in Boston and raining when the game ended. And they are playing another game in just a few hours!
SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean they are playing another game? With who?
SULLY:
With the Angels.
SULLY’S WIFE:
I thought they just played the Angels.
SULLY:
They play 3 game series.
SULLY’S WIFE:
How is it in basketball?
SULLY:
Basketball you play one game. Then there’s usually an off day and they play another team.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t baseball do that?
SULLY:
But in baseball, sometimes they play 6 games a week. The travel costs alone would be prohibitive.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Why can’t they have a travel day in baseball?
SULLY:
They play 162 games! They’d have to start the season in January. That’s the schedule!
SULLY’S WIFE:
What do you mean? That doesn’t have to be the schedule. The other sports seem to get along just fine. And by the way, when I am done eating this piece of toast, I am done having this conversation.
SULLY:
I think the physical toll of a basketball game or hockey game is much greater. I mean in a football game, you can risk your career every play.
SULLY’S WIFE:
So basically you are saying baseball is such a lazy sport that they can play more games because they are out of shape idiots.
SULLY:
No. It’s not that they are out of shape idiots. Baseball is more cerebral.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What is this, chess? What do chess players do? How many travel days do THEY need?
SULLY:
You’re not being fair.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What about spelling bees? Do they need an extra travel day?
SULLY:
A pitcher can’t throw every day. His arm will snap off.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Doesn’t he only throw a few rounds before the next guy comes in?
SULLY:
Innings.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Whatever.
SULLY:
Ideally your starting pitcher will go 7 or 8 innings.
SULLY’S WIFE:
They should do it evenly. 3-3-3.
SULLY:
I’ve actually thought that’s what they should do.
SULLY’S WIFE:
See? I don’t even know what I am talking about and already I have a good idea.
SULLY:
I know everything about baseball and you’ve thought of it and you know…
SULLY’S WIFE:
Nothing.
SULLY:
Very little.
SULLY’S WIFE:
I know as little as I possibly can by choice.
SULLY:
Yet we’ve both thought of the same thing and that is if you have a bunch of pitchers who can only go 2 or 3 innings before they need help, why not have one pitcher throw the first 3, the next one throw the next 3 and a third one throw the last 3? You’d have to have like 40 pitchers on the roster. You are only allowed 25 players all together on your roster.
SULLY’S WIFE:
The more the merrier.
SULLY:
Back on topic.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Here’s my thing. The less I actually pay attention to what you are saying, the better I do.
SULLY:
That seems to be the case in life. You’re only half listening to me.
SULLY’S WIFE:
When I pay attention, things fall apart,
(Another bite of toast.)
SULLY’S WIFE:
How many games do they play in football?
SULLY:
It’s once a week. They play 16 games.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Perfect! That’s what baseball should do.
SULLY:
If they only play 16 games, it would be better for you because instead of me watching a baseball game a night, then I would only be watching it one night.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Right.
SULLY:
What you are not taking into account is this. If I am only watching one game, then I would be more intense. And that day of playing tends to be Sunday when we try to do things as a family. And all that week I’d be building up for the one game
SULLY’S WIFE:
But there would be less for you to talk about.
SULLY:
You have no idea how much people yap about that one football game a week. In baseball it is BOOM! Here’s a game. BOOM! Here’s another game. But in football, the talk on Monday is “Can’t wait for the Miami game.” Tuesday is “Get ready for the Miami game” and by Wednesday I’m thinking “Enough! Just play the Miami game!” but it is still 4 days away.
SULLY’S WIFE:
But it could be like The Good Wife. I look forward to watching it every week. But if it was on every night, it would be The Boring Wife. It’s perfect. Once a week on the DVR. And YOU can DVR the games. You don’t even have to watch the game live.
SULLY:
But if I am watching the game on DVR I’m missing the next game.
SULLY’S WIFE:
What next game?
SULLY:
The other game.
SULLY’S WIFE:
There’s another game?
SULLY:
The game that’s going on while I’m watching the game from the night before!
SULLY’S WIFE:
You only need to play one game a week!
SULLY:
Then you’d only need one pitcher.
SULLY’S WIFE:
Didn’t we establish you needed 3 pitchers now?
SULLY:
But if you are playing one game a week, you can just throw your best
pitcher out for every game.
SULLY’S WIFE:
So you are agreeing with me now.
SULLY:
Wait-
SULLY’S WIFE:
You see, I’ve turned the tables. By the end of this toast, you will be on my side
SULLY:
The great thing about the baseball-
SULLY’S WIFE:
I’m nibbling. I only have a few bites left.
SULLY:
In baseball you lose one game, the very next day you have another shot to win.
SULLY’S WIFE:
That cheapens it! That cheapens the whole thing. That’s what I am saying. I don’t need Juliana Marguiles on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I just need her Tuesday. Just try it. And if doesn’t work then we go back to your way. And we’re done.
SULLY’S WIFE:
So you are agreeing with me now.
SULLY:
Wait-
SULLY’S WIFE:
You see, I’ve turned the tables. By the end of this toast, you will be on my side
SULLY:
The great thing about the baseball-
SULLY’S WIFE:
I’m nibbling. I only have a few bites left.
SULLY:
In baseball you lose one game, the very next day you have another shot to win.
SULLY’S WIFE:
That cheapens it! That cheapens the whole thing. That’s what I am saying. I don’t need Juliana Marguiles on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I just need her Tuesday. Just try it. And if doesn’t work then we go back to your way. And we’re done.
(She eats the last bite.)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The longest and stupidist Red Sox game I have ever seen
I actually thought the game wasn't going to end. I thought it was actually going to bleed into the game tomorrow afternoon and the two games would be concurrent.
The game started at 4PM West Coast time.
It JUST ended at 11:45 PM.
And oh yeah, somehow Marco Scutaro didn't score the tying run in one inning and was stupidly thrown out in the 12th inning when the ball was already in the infield.
Dice-K got the loss in a game where I am convinced he was in the hot tub reading a book for the first 10 innings.
Ervin Santana was throwing a no hitter and Josh Beckett was awesome until the heavens poured and took them out.
The Red Sox got some 9th inning heroics by Jacoby Ellsbury... all for nothing.
And someone named Trevor Bell threw 4 innings of shutout ball, the first three innings he was facing the winning run with every pitch.
But the stupidest thing of all?
I STAYED UP TO WATCH THE END?
What the hell is the matter with me?
Let's update the miserable tally.
DODGED BULLET GAMES - 6
April 8 - 9-6 win against the Yankees. (The Sox end their 6 game losing streak with a slugfest. John Lackey stinks but Phil Hughes stinks even more.)
April 10 - 4-0 win against the Yankees. (Beckett and Sabathia duel in a game that was 1-0 until the late innings.)
April 20 - 5-3 win in Oakland. (Red Sox survive a lead off homer and two bases loaded situations and facing the tying run at the plate to win their first road game.)
April 21 - 4-2 win in Anaheim. (The Red Sox stranded 15 men on base and Josh Beckett's went 8 strong with no decision. But the Sox rallied in the 11th to win.)
April 22 - 4-3 win in Anaheim. (Peter Bourjos makes a 2 run errors and the Red Sox survive a bizarre passed ball by Jarrod Saltalamacchia that let a run scored from second.)
May 1 - 3-2 win against the Mariners. (Ichiro loses a ball in the sun that turns into a 9th inning triple for Lowrie. Crawford singles him home for the win.)
TEETH GRINDER GAMES - 11
April 1 - 9-5 loss in Texas. (The Sox tie Opening Day in the 8th with an Ortiz homer only to have Bard implode and the Sox let up 4 in the bottom of the 8th.)
April 5 - 3-1 loss in Cleveland. (The Sox drop their 4th straight as the bats are dead in Cleveland.)
April 7 - 1-0 loss in Cleveland. (Sox blow a great Lester performance on a squeeze bunt and Darnell McDonald overrunning the bag to end the game.)
April 12 - 3-2 loss to Tampa Bay. (A solid Lester performance is wasted as Kyle Farnsworth of all people shuts down the Sox.)
April 15 - 7-6 loss to Toronto. (Bobby Jenks implodes with a 4 run seventh inning as the Red Sox waste Pedroia and Youkilis homers and a clutch RBI double by Scuatro.
April 19 - 5-0 loss in Oakland. (Pedroia gets picke doff, the Sox bats go dead and waste a solid Lackey start.)
April 26 - 4-1 loss in Baltimore. (Buchholz pitches tentatively and the Sox let Kevin Gregg of all people to close out the 9th.)
April 27 - 5-4 loss in Baltimore. (The Sox tie the game with a 3 run 8th only to have Bard lose it in the bottom of the 8th.)
April 29 - 5-4 loss to Mariners. (Bobby Jenks blows a 7th inning lead, wasting 2 Mike Cameron homers.)
April 30 - 2-0 loss to Mariners. (The Sox strand 11 runnerss and let Milton Bradley double home the go ahead run.)
May 4 - 5-3 loss to Angels. (7 hours with rain delays and stranded runners. Marco Scutaro was thrown out at the plate in the 12th)
-5
And oh yeah!
They play again in 10 hours.
Better start downing the Red Bull!
April 7 - 1-0 loss in Cleveland. (Sox blow a great Lester performance on a squeeze bunt and Darnell McDonald overrunning the bag to end the game.)
April 12 - 3-2 loss to Tampa Bay. (A solid Lester performance is wasted as Kyle Farnsworth of all people shuts down the Sox.)
April 15 - 7-6 loss to Toronto. (Bobby Jenks implodes with a 4 run seventh inning as the Red Sox waste Pedroia and Youkilis homers and a clutch RBI double by Scuatro.
April 19 - 5-0 loss in Oakland. (Pedroia gets picke doff, the Sox bats go dead and waste a solid Lackey start.)
April 26 - 4-1 loss in Baltimore. (Buchholz pitches tentatively and the Sox let Kevin Gregg of all people to close out the 9th.)
April 27 - 5-4 loss in Baltimore. (The Sox tie the game with a 3 run 8th only to have Bard lose it in the bottom of the 8th.)
April 29 - 5-4 loss to Mariners. (Bobby Jenks blows a 7th inning lead, wasting 2 Mike Cameron homers.)
April 30 - 2-0 loss to Mariners. (The Sox strand 11 runnerss and let Milton Bradley double home the go ahead run.)
May 4 - 5-3 loss to Angels. (7 hours with rain delays and stranded runners. Marco Scutaro was thrown out at the plate in the 12th)
-5
And oh yeah!
They play again in 10 hours.
Better start downing the Red Bull!
Tee hee hee
The Red Sox game started 3 or 4 hours before the Lakers game started... so naturally the Lakers game is over and the Red Sox are still playing.
Oh, did I call it the Laker game?
I meant the MAVERICKS GAME!
I know my Celtics are down 0-2 in their series as well.
But it is one thing to be down 0-2 on the road.
It's another thing to drop two on your own court.
Ahhhh to avoid seeing a Lakers threepeat.
OK, back to the Red Sox game, that might not EVER end.
It is 1:18 AM in Boston...
And the Angels and Red Sox are still playing in the rain and going into the 10th.
I hope it goes on for 18 innings (with the Sox winning of course.)
Can you imagine what kind of Sox fans are left?
PLEASE tell me the concession stands are still open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
