PERETTI

Words most people use to describe me

Chill
"Laidback"
Easygoing

Q: What's very tasty right now?

A: Cherries.

Help!

Help, oh, please help! Diddy and his friends "the Chinese" want us dead!



I can't wrap my head around it...why does this rapper want us to be dead?



Please help! I don't want Puffy to kill me! Or P. Diddy or any of them! He has so many nommes and he wants my blood splattered! Aaaaahhhhh!!! I'm shaking! I'm very cute and shaking. I'm frazzled.



How could Puffy do this?



Our fur isn't even so great. Is Puffy blind or does he just want us dead for kicks? I'm so frightened, as a small, small animal. I'm scared of what Puffy is capable of with the Chinese behind him, backing his evil whims with regards to our lives!

HELP!

Song of the day:Silent Night. Who wrote that shit? Great lyrics.

Update: Looks like another case of the ol' "died penniless". (Thanks P.C. for the link)

Craving Carbonara

Never google image search that which you crave...

Cancel that "Merry Christmas" (due to Jews)

Love,
The Airport

Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Airport

Guess which is my favorite news item below

Hint: oink, oink.

Hitchens: a funny, funny dude!

Very funny article from Vanity Fair's Christopher Hitchens.

Couple random thoughts as I read along:

Sauce bearnaise--HAHA I haven't laughed this hard in ages this guy must be a great fuck.

Someone went to college!!!

Wait, which planet are men from and which are women from again??

An expert Depends reference. It's as if he took something old and hacky and breathed life into it by making it singular and fancier and more academic-sounding!

The sheer quantity of citations and sources culled is hilarious.

How am I STILL laughing!!!!

I'll be 100% honest: I wanted to read this article with dismissive boredom but then it was so damn fucking funny line-for-line...credit where credit is due, bro.

Finally! A home fragrance you can live with!!!!

Who doesn't love the smell of Siberian Pine! Though I do not own a home, I own a home fragrance mist. I suppose what they say is true...home is where the home fragrance mist is sprayed!



I own the candle too...the whole collection is wonderful...Thymes: Frasier Fir...

Wouldn't that be funny if you flash to me and I'm in a dirty bathrobe with a water glass full of whiskey and pills strewn all about my desk.

Conversation Enders

PERSON 1 (pointing, very excited):
Oh!! Have you ever been to that restaurant?

PERSON 2:
Once.

Eating a burrito at the movies is impermissible. Same goes for on the subway. Save it.

Holiday video

Thanks to all who came out to the Variety Shac last night, it was a really fun crowd and a nice night.

I was an English major and yet insist upon using words like "fun" and "nice." (I barely understand if these words are adjectives, or I would have said "I was an English major and yet insist upon using adjectives like "fun" and "nice.") Sometimes I think I'm willfully ignorant. "Willfully ignorant" sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Hopefully I've regained some respect there. Is "regained" a word? I don't have time to google.

Anyhow, last night we screened the SHAC holiday short film GANESHA.

I suggest you watch GANESHA.

In closing, GANESHA.

Happy holidays.

Dec 11, 13, 15 comedy

Dec 11
Ars Nova
511 W 54th
7pm private party

Dec 13
Invite Them Up
332 E 11th
8:30pm

Dec 15
The Duplex
61 Christopher
9:30pm

Be there or suk a dik!!!

Attitude toward injury

When I see a guy in a neck brace I like to go "Hey! Nice turtleneck!!" and then laugh like a jock in an 80s movie and high five all my ridiculously buff friends.

She's weighin' on my mind and it won't let up
I couldn't get enough of her
She's out on the town and she's all dressed up
I couldn't get enough of her
She walked into the room and the place lit up
I couldn't get enough of her
Distance is lifting me up
I couldn't get enough of her love
I couldn't get enough of her

Coffee break!

Let's take a quick coffee break together to catch up on stuff...

There we are.


Casual, cup of joe, perfect.

It feels so comfortable and real.

Aaaanyhow, what's up with me? Hm. Well, it feels great to be back in town and to have a nice big fat Variety Shac around the bend...hey, want to come? You should totally come. We're coffee buddies. Yeah. Come. Man, I love having coffee with you. It's always great like this.

...THIS THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7TH AT 8:30PM...

VARIETY SHAC!

* SHONALI BHOWMIK * HEATHER LAWLESS * ANDREA ROSEN * CHELSEA PERETTI *

With:
Chris Parnell !
Patrick Borelli !
Eric Slovin !
&
Logjam !

Thurs. Dec. 7
8:30pm
Galapagos (back room)
70 N. 6th St
$5

ChicBulls, etc

Think I should go for a Chicken Bulletin on MySpace?



Reasons "for:"
I do want every person online to know what is up with me as much as possible.

Reasons "against:"
Eh.

Speaking of MySpace, something I'm kind of into is to message/comment very close friends with: "You seem cool."

First caught the bug in June of '06:


And now, back on the horse!

Good old days

Tan.
Athletic.
Liked Zebras.
Had a best friend.
Able to do backflips.

Here's a way to deal with a boring story...

[Person begins a boring story...]

"Hold on, gimme a second, I gotta shut down my mind. Okay...go."

Then you're all set and no hard feelings, everyone knows what's going on.

Unfortunately, no advice on how to deal with a boring blog post.